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eggs! Because at least this feels like a real plan. And because this gives me something fun to focus on, instead of the way I feel when I imagine him never seeing me as an option at all.”
    She winces sympathetically. “And how is that?”
    I toy with the button on my sweater.
    “Invisible. And short on air.” I look her in the eye. “Don’t you get it? I’d rather try with everything I’ve got. I’d rather go down in a giant crap-ball of flames than strike out with something as generic as getting turned down for coffee. He’s my lobster.”
    She’s shaking her head slowly, equal parts horror and sympathy on her face.
    “He can’t be your lobster, Miko. You barely even know him.”
    This is where she’s wrong.
    “I know what I know.”
    She continues to stare at me while the din of the café carries on around us. I stir the remaining foam in my cup round and round until it dissolves into liquid as murky as my thoughts. Her resigned chuckle pulls my attention back up to her.
    “Lord, Max is going to kill us when she finds out.”
    I push my hair out of my eyes and lean across the table towards her.
    “Us?”
    “Well, I can’t very well let you try and pull this off alone, now can I? You might be the greatest designer ever, but your execution is terrible.”
    I can’t believe she’s going to help me, though I probably should have given her more credit; Landon has been my wingman since jump street. I don’t know why I thought she’d let me down now, but I’m so grateful. I thought Casidee was going to be an asset in this whole scheme, but it seems as if she’s so positive something bad is going to happen that she’s making up excuses every time I want to walk through the next steps. I mean, I know the possibility of breaking and entering or securing a horse and carriage in modern-day Los Angeles wasn’t exactly listed in Cas’s job description, but you’d think she’d be excited about the possibility to do something besides make copies and answer the phone. Kids today.
    I take an excited swig of tepid coffee.
    “What do you think I should do first?”
    “First”—she pulls a pen out and starts writing on the list—“you should start with a bit more subtlety—”
    “I’ve had nearly a year of subtlety, Landon. It’s time to go big or—”
    “You are not kicking off this insane plan by making yourself sick, Miko!” Her little blonde eyebrows narrow as she reads my notes for the first plan. “Ipecac syrup is no joke, and if you puke all over him, I doubt even you can bounce back from that.”
    I cross my arms with a huff. She’s right, which is super annoying.
    “So what then?”
    “How about number fourteen?”
    I glance at the line she’s pointing to.
    “A bit subtle if you ask me,” I grumble.
    Her response is deadpan. “Your blouse is the color of a traffic cone. You could do with a little more subtlety.”

    My mother would die a thousand times if she knew I’d read Fifty Shades of Grey . Even if I admitted I read it with my hand covering my mouth in shock, and occasionally I had to hide under my shirt like a turtle because I was totally embarrassed. But regardless of the questionable prose or the unironic use the term inner goddess , no one can deny its contribution to the romance book zeitgeist.
    It’s become an icon in the romance-book world by people much more experienced than I am, so it seemed like I should include it on the list. But really, there is very little I could use from the plot that didn’t involve things way too inappropriate to even contemplate. So the scene that made the list was the interview from the beginning of the book. It really is the first time the hero takes notice of the heroine, if for no other reason than she doesn’t cower and is dressed badly. I’m physically incapable of the latter, but the former I’ve got in spades. This whole scheme is made all the better by the fact that Liam asked me to meet him at his office. Given that the plan