horns.
I laughed until I was bent over in half gasping for breath. Melanie sat down next to me and gave me a pat on the back which started me off again. When I recovered and looked up there were four faces looking at me in astonishment. Then Vila started laughing, Tracy snorted and Melanie pulled a face. ‘Youse don’t get out much, then?’ she queried. ‘Or I missed something really good.’
I smiled and closed my eyes while I took a bite of Susie’s sandwich. The sun warm on my face.
***
Coroner’s Court 2014
I thought Vila would take the stand next, and reveal her secret thoughts of me. Instead the coroner calls a break. It’s hard for me to fill in time while everyone else scatters to fulfil their base needs. I end up staring at the empty stand.
Boring.
There’s something that happened next that no one bore witness to. It’s hard to think of it, because the very nature of it was scattered and shattering. ‘Cept it only lasted a few minutes, so what was the big hoo-hah, eh?
Rhetorical, that was.
I know what happened now. I know what caused it. At the time it was random, out of the blue, and frightening. And I thought my life had already descended to a point where little would frighten me. You’ll see shortly that was a theory about to be tested, and was found wanting.
But this is getting us nowhere, is it?
So come closer now. While they’re all out of the room stuffing their faces and voiding their bladders. Come closer, come closer and listen.
***
Daina 2004
There were five minutes from the first bell announcing that lunch was over, and the second bell announcing that you’d better be in class now.
I was busting, but I hadn’t wanted to leave the table while I was having fun with people. Not just people, but people my own age. Having fun and talking to them like I was normal.
I slid into the third stall along. There was some paper clinging damply to the wall of the bowl. I looked away immediately. I didn’t want to see any more. My bladder wasn’t in the mood to fuss.
When I sat, the plastic seat mercifully cold against my rear, I saw a flash of colour out of the side of my vision.
I expected to turn and see graffiti on the wall. I expected it to be a crude drawing or a rude phrase in marker pen. Instead I saw a line of flame.
I jerked back against the cistern, but I was mid-stream and going nowhere. I held out a hand to the flame.
There was no heat. I could feel the wood of the wall through the flames. Could hear my fingertips scraping on the wood even over the crackle of the fire.
Finished, I pulled up my knickers and flushed. The line of flame continued to flicker its strange light. I inhaled through my nose, but there was only the usual strong smell of air freshener hiding the raw bodily odours beneath.
I shook my head, closed my eyes, and reached for the latch of the door.
I flicked it open and walked out, only looking back over my shoulder.
There was nothing there but the toilet stall. Exactly as it should be.
Girls were jostling each other for mirror room at the sinks. Makeup was applied with the careful skill of girls new to the art, but with plenty of recent practice.
I waited on unsteady feet for the sinks to clear. I heard the second bell go, but while everyone else rushed out of the room I stayed. I moved to the mirror and looked at myself.
At first it was my normal reflection. I breathed out, only then noticing I’d been holding my breath.
And then the colours of my face started to run.
They spread out along the surface of the mirror as if they were formed of ink I’d just spilled water on.
My face was a metre wide, two metres. I tried to smile, but a yawning chasm opened up.
I took a step back and closed my eyes. I concentrated on my heartbeat. THUMP-thump-THUMP-thump.
And then I realised I could taste the sounds it was making. Orange and chocolate. My heartbeat, my pulse, it tasted like a giant Jaffa.
My eyes flew open again. The colours were
I laughed until I was bent over in half gasping for breath. Melanie sat down next to me and gave me a pat on the back which started me off again. When I recovered and looked up there were four faces looking at me in astonishment. Then Vila started laughing, Tracy snorted and Melanie pulled a face. ‘Youse don’t get out much, then?’ she queried. ‘Or I missed something really good.’
I smiled and closed my eyes while I took a bite of Susie’s sandwich. The sun warm on my face.
***
Coroner’s Court 2014
I thought Vila would take the stand next, and reveal her secret thoughts of me. Instead the coroner calls a break. It’s hard for me to fill in time while everyone else scatters to fulfil their base needs. I end up staring at the empty stand.
Boring.
There’s something that happened next that no one bore witness to. It’s hard to think of it, because the very nature of it was scattered and shattering. ‘Cept it only lasted a few minutes, so what was the big hoo-hah, eh?
Rhetorical, that was.
I know what happened now. I know what caused it. At the time it was random, out of the blue, and frightening. And I thought my life had already descended to a point where little would frighten me. You’ll see shortly that was a theory about to be tested, and was found wanting.
But this is getting us nowhere, is it?
So come closer now. While they’re all out of the room stuffing their faces and voiding their bladders. Come closer, come closer and listen.
***
Daina 2004
There were five minutes from the first bell announcing that lunch was over, and the second bell announcing that you’d better be in class now.
I was busting, but I hadn’t wanted to leave the table while I was having fun with people. Not just people, but people my own age. Having fun and talking to them like I was normal.
I slid into the third stall along. There was some paper clinging damply to the wall of the bowl. I looked away immediately. I didn’t want to see any more. My bladder wasn’t in the mood to fuss.
When I sat, the plastic seat mercifully cold against my rear, I saw a flash of colour out of the side of my vision.
I expected to turn and see graffiti on the wall. I expected it to be a crude drawing or a rude phrase in marker pen. Instead I saw a line of flame.
I jerked back against the cistern, but I was mid-stream and going nowhere. I held out a hand to the flame.
There was no heat. I could feel the wood of the wall through the flames. Could hear my fingertips scraping on the wood even over the crackle of the fire.
Finished, I pulled up my knickers and flushed. The line of flame continued to flicker its strange light. I inhaled through my nose, but there was only the usual strong smell of air freshener hiding the raw bodily odours beneath.
I shook my head, closed my eyes, and reached for the latch of the door.
I flicked it open and walked out, only looking back over my shoulder.
There was nothing there but the toilet stall. Exactly as it should be.
Girls were jostling each other for mirror room at the sinks. Makeup was applied with the careful skill of girls new to the art, but with plenty of recent practice.
I waited on unsteady feet for the sinks to clear. I heard the second bell go, but while everyone else rushed out of the room I stayed. I moved to the mirror and looked at myself.
At first it was my normal reflection. I breathed out, only then noticing I’d been holding my breath.
And then the colours of my face started to run.
They spread out along the surface of the mirror as if they were formed of ink I’d just spilled water on.
My face was a metre wide, two metres. I tried to smile, but a yawning chasm opened up.
I took a step back and closed my eyes. I concentrated on my heartbeat. THUMP-thump-THUMP-thump.
And then I realised I could taste the sounds it was making. Orange and chocolate. My heartbeat, my pulse, it tasted like a giant Jaffa.
My eyes flew open again. The colours were
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