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about five or six feet away, teeth clenched with his chin jutting out, his neck stretched to its limit with his eyes bulging looking at me from an obscure angle. That’s ok I don’t mind, eyes cannot hurt you and he is outside my exclusion zone. The exclusion zone meant that I imagine a circle of about four feet in circumference around me, anyone entering that is in perfect kicking range. He hasn’t entered it yet and so doesn’t present a problem at the moment. I say to him, on your bike mate we don’t want any trouble now do we? No reply and no movement. He just kept staring at me with that mental expression on his face. I thought that he’ll get fed up with this after a while and disappear of his own accord. However Alex had other ideas and sticks his head out of the doorway and says in a broad Scots accent.
“Are you still here”? “If you don’t fuck off I’ll batter you all around the fucking street”.
Here we go I thought, and this time we did get a reply.
“Fuck off you Scots git”.
Alex’s hairy forearm flashes past my nose; his fist was on a direct collision course with the guy’s skull. It sounded like a cricket ball hitting a coconut when it struck.
He goes down flat on his back and almost immediately jumps up again and looks straight at me; he lets out a scream, just like in those war films when the Army is doing bayonet training. AAAARRRRGH !
He comes charging at me, I remained as relaxed as possible until he entered the “zone” once that had been breached I released the mother of all front kicks. He ran straight into it there by doubling the effect of the kick. My right boot connected perfectly with his stomach giving him the full treatment, the force of the kick literally bent him in two.
His feet left the ground and he was airborne and heading backward in the direction he had just come from. Landing about five feet away on his back, for the second time tonight, he was winded dazed and confused when we got to him; he was then put into two very painful arm locks. Unluckily for him a copper just happened to be passing and asks our mate on the floor.
“What are you going to do if these nice gentlemen release you?”
The idiots reply was-
“I’m going to fight them.”
He was then given a nice pair of bracelets to wear and was thrown into the back of a waiting police van. The copper came back about an hour later and said that he had to let him go because he started to cry and promised to go home. I had always got on well with the local constabulary…usually. We were at the front doors one evening in our usual places when a guy comes out from the bar and informs us that some fella whilst in the middle of a game of pool has placed a large lock knife on the side of the table. I think that there was a few quid on the game and so he was trying to intimidate the other guy. We go in and whilst one of the other lads talks to the guy to distract him I quickly snatch the knife from the table. He is then thrown out, once outside he asks for the knife back. We told him to fuck off and if he didn’t like it he could go to the old bill. Unbelievably he did, and about an hour later three stroppy little w pc’s turn up demanding that we hand the knife over as we had committed a theft and further more if it was not handed over one of us will be arrested. We couldn’t believe what we were hearing, what did they want us to do, just let the guy walk out with a fucking great knife in his pocket. They didn’t want to listen to anything I had to say they just kept demanding that the knife be returned immediately. I didn’t have the knife anyway as one of the supervisors from the security company turned up just before the police arrived and so I gave it to him to take back to the office as a souvenir from sunnyWest London. They didn’t believe what I was saying and gave us 24 hours to return the knife to the Police station if not they would be back to arrest someone. What a load of old bollocks. The next