She Comes First

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Book: Read She Comes First for Free Online
Authors: Ian Kerner
receiving oral sex is an act most directly reflecting women’s growing power in both their sexual relationships and in society. The practice depends on both women’s and men’s recognition and respect of this power.”
    In The Cradle of Erotica by A. Edwardes and R.E.L. Masters, we are told that during the Tang Dynasty, the Empress Wu Hu ruled China. She knew that sex and power were inexorably linked, and shedecreed that government officials and visiting dignitaries must pay homage to her imperial highness by performing cunnilingus upon her. No joke. Old paintings depict the beautiful, powerful empress standing and holding her ornate robe open while a high nobleman or diplomat is shown kneeling before her, applying his lips and tongue to her royal mound.
     
    W hen my husband gives me head, it’s such a powerful turn-on…he’s completely focused on me, I’m the center of his attention, and I feel like he’s really loving me, every part of me, all at once.” (Kelly, 32)
     
     
    Well gone are the days of kings and queens and royal decrees, but inside many a modern woman is an Empress Wu Hu, longing to be honored by her nobleman.

What’s in a Name?
     
    L ET’S FACE IT. Most men can more easily identify what’s under the hood of a car than what’s under the hood of a clitoris. This “genital confusion” arises because parts of the clitoral network are hidden from the naked eye. Even though the genitals of both men and women are formed from the same embryonic material, and develop during gestation in an equivalent manner, the penis grows out, while much of the clitoris grows in. (Interestingly, Oliver Wendell Holmes remarked that the female genitalia were simply those of the male turned inside out. But on the contrary, modern science teaches us that the male is a modified female, differentiated during the first trimester of pregnancy. So if anything, the male genitalia are a mirror image of the female’s rather than vice versa.)
“Vagina or Vulva: That Is the Question”
     
    The visible parts of the female genitalia are encompassed by the vulva, or what’s commonly, and mistakenly, referred to as the vagina. “Vagina” tends to be the de facto word we use to describe “everything down there,” but the entrance to the vagina, also known as the “introitus,” is just one part of the vulva’s impressive expanse and certainly not the primary part when it comes to stimulation and the process of arousal.
    Etymologically, “vagina” originates from a Latin word meaning “a sheath or scabbard for a sword,” reinforcing its relationship to the penis and dependency upon penetration or insertion for broader meaning—which may be indicative of the reproductive process, but certainly not the pleasure process.
    What’s in a name? According to Shakespeare, “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” But the language of science is by no means the language of love; “cunnilingus,” “vulva,” and “vaginal introitus”—those may not be the first words that come to mind in the heat of the moment. But they’re the right words, in that they’re scientifically accurate and properly descriptive. And knowing the right words is a powerful starting point for clearly understanding the process of sexual response and, ultimately, developing an erotic lexicon that is unique and true to the spirit of your individual relationship.
    In speaking of The Vagina Monologues, author and activist Eve Ensler described her thought process in committing to the word “vagina” in both the title and throughout the work:
     
    I say it because we haven’t come up with a word that is more inclusive, that really describes the entire area and all its parts. “Pussy” is probably a better word, but it has so much baggage connected with it. And besides I don’t think most of us have a clear idea of what we’re talking about when we say “pussy.”“Vulva” is a good word; it speaks more specifically,

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