Selby's Stardom

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Book: Read Selby's Stardom for Free Online
Authors: Duncan Ball
then the ones in their fingers as tears streamed down their faces.
    â€˜Boo hoo hoo,’ Willy wailed.
    â€˜Boo hoo
(sniff)’
Billy wailed even louder.
    â€˜Hey!’ Mrs Trifle suddenly appeared with Dr Trifle just behind her. ‘Didn’t I tell you not to turn on that machine? And look what you’ve done to my vegetable garden!’
    â€˜I’m sorry, Auntie,’ Willy said, with tears streaming down his face.
    â€˜I’m sorry too, Auntie,’ Billy bawled.
    â€˜What’s that awful smell?’ Dr Trifle asked Mrs Trifle. ‘It doesn’t smell like vegetables.’
    â€˜No, it doesn’t,’ Mrs Trifle said, suddenly turning to her nephews. ‘Look at the messyou’ve made! All right, boys! Now you eat the sausages you have in your hands — and I hope they taste terrible!’
    â€˜I don’t think they’re good,’ Willy said.
    â€˜Eat!’ Mrs Trifle said and she sounded like she meant it. ‘Now!’
    With trembling fingers, Willy and Billy raised their sausage to their mouths and then lowered them again.
    â€˜I can’t,’ Willy cried.
    Mrs Trifle snatched both sausages and with one quick motion shoved them deep into Willy and Billy’s mouths.
    â€˜Now eat them!’ she said, ‘That’s your punishment for doing something very very silly!’
    Willy and Billy, bawling their eyes out, chewed their sausages and then swallowed them.
    â€˜We ate Selby!’ Willy wailed. ‘We made him into hotdogs and we ate him!’
    â€˜You whaaaaaaaaaaaat?’ Mrs Trifle cried.
    â€˜We did!’ Billy said. ‘We put him on the thingy and it crunched him.’
    â€˜Why, you despicable little beasts!’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Selby, where are you? Selby?’
    Mrs Trifle went running around to the back of the VDM and spotted Selby lying in what was left of the vegetable garden.
    â€˜Thank goodness you’re all right,’ Mrs Trifle said, rushing over and picking him up. ‘Oh, Selby, those naughty boys had me so frightened.’ Mrs Trifle turned to the boys again. ‘And now you’re going to get punished for lying to me and scaring me half to death!’
    â€˜But he went in the machine!’ Billy squealed. ‘He did! I heard him crunch!’
    â€˜I think I just solved the mystery of the crunch,’ Dr Trifle said to Mrs Trifle. ‘Did you say that you left those two bags of horse poo on the ground here?’
    â€˜Yes, why?’
    â€˜Because one of them is missing.’
    Dr Trifle looked over at Mrs Trifle and they both smiled.
    â€˜Well, boys,’ Mrs Trifle said, ‘I don’t think you’ll be needing that punishment after all.’
    Willy and Billy just stood there for a minute. Suddenly, Willy coughed and gagged, holding himself around the middle.
    â€˜No! No!’ he yelled. ‘Billy!’
    â€˜What?’
    â€˜We just ate horse-poo dogs!’ ‘Horse-poo hotdogs! Horse-poo hotdogs!’ Billy screamed. ‘Oh, yucky! Yucky! Yucky poo!’
    â€˜And just what you deserved,’ thought Selby from back under the pumpkin leaves.

Mushy Stuff

    I’m not a dog for mushy stuff
But once I had a tiny crush
On an anaconda in a tree
Then suddenly it had a crush on me!

Counting on Selby
    Selby looked up at the castle, perched high on top of a hill in the middle of the town of Twin Castles.
    â€˜Wow!’ he thought. ‘This is like a knights and damsels movie. It’s like when I went back in time.Only this isn’t long ago, it’s today.’
    Dr and Mrs Trifle and Selby got out of the taxi at the entrance to the castle.
    â€˜Wasn’t it generous of the Count and Countess Karnht to invite us to their country,’ Mrs Trifle said, pressing the doorbell at the side of the drawbridge. ‘But do remember that you’re not to believe anything the Count saysthat has numbers in it. He is hopeless with

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