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look after you. If I’ve learnt one thing in life it’s this: there are times when you should help people — and stupid dogs — even if you don’t like them.’
    The ambulance officers looked over at Selby and scratched their heads.
    ‘What’s that dog’s name?’ Maggie asked them.
    ‘That’s Selby, the mayor’s dog,’ one of them answered.
    ‘How’d he learn to talk?’
    ‘Talk? Listen, lady, we’ve got to get you to hospital.’
    ‘Selby,’ Maggie said before they closed the ambulance door, ‘you can expect to hear from me again.’
    ‘Now I know why they call her “Maggie the Witch”,’ Selby thought. ‘What a grouch-puss! But, you know, I think she meant that stuff about helping me.’
    And so it was that Selby and the Trifles moved to Snobs’ Bay, leaving their house in Bogusville empty. It turned out that Havisham House was just as wonderful as Mr Jaggers had said it was.
    ‘The fountains and flowers are magnificent,’ Mrs Trifle said to Mrs Provis’s butler, Bentley, as he served tea and cakes on the verandah. ‘We’re so happy here.’
    ‘And so am I,’ Selby said, heaving a silent sigh.
    ‘I’ll take your dog into the kitchen,’ Bentley said,‘and give him some scraps of food.’
    ‘Scraps of food?’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Oh, no, no, no. Selby is supposed to eat what we eat. It’s in Mrs Provis’s will.’
    ‘With respect, madam,’ the butler said, giving Selby a sideways glance, ‘the old biddy is dead. She’ll never know.’
    ‘I jolly well will!’ Selby thought. ‘Scraps of food?! Whose house is this, anyway?!’
    ‘I think we’d better respect Mrs Provis’s wishes,’ Mrs Trifle said politely.
    ‘Anything you say, madam.’
    Bentley brought the cake tray up to Selby’s nose.
    ‘That’s more like it,’ Selby thought as he gobbled two chocolate eclairs and sniffed a piece of chocolate mud cake.
    As the days passed, Bentley was always polite to the Trifles but when they weren’t looking he was terrible to Selby. Once, while Selby was sleeping, the butler trod on Selby’s tail, making him jump to his feet and almost scream ‘Ouch!’ in plain English.
    ‘He’s smiling!’ Selby thought. ‘That was no accident. Owww! That hurts like the dickens!’
    Another time Selby was walking past the kitchen when the butler’s foot shot out and kicked him.
    ‘What did I do to deserve a kick on the bum?’ Selby wondered.
    ‘Hey, boss,’ Selby heard the cook say to Bentley.‘What did the dog do to deserve a kick on the bum?’
    ‘I’ll tell you what he did,’ Bentley said. ‘He inherited this house.’
    ‘So what?’ the cook asked.‘Mrs Provis had to give it to someone.’
    ‘And that someone should have been me,’ Bentley said.‘Who looked after the old grouch in the last years of her life? Not that ugly dog — me!’
    ‘So that’s it,’ Selby thought.‘He’s jealous. And how dare he call me ugly. I think I’m rather good-looking, to tell the truth. I’ll fix him. I’m going to make the Trifles hate him so much that they’ll give him the sack.
This is war
.’
    Getting the Trifles to get rid of Bentley was never going to be easy. Bentley was always polite and helpful to them. They would never have believed how nasty he was to Selby.
    The first battle of the war was fought in the kitchen. Selby and the Trifles had just had a meal of peanut prawns in the dining room when Selby caught sight of Bentley in the kitchen.
    ‘Look at that guy,’ Selby thought. ‘He’s given himself twice as many peanut prawns as he gave us. We’ll see about that.’
    Selby sneaked into the kitchen and grabbed a mouthful of prawns from Bentley’s plate.
    ‘You wretched dog you!’ Bentley screamed.
    Selby turned and ran for the dining room, gobbling the prawns as he went.
    ‘What’s wrong, Bentley?’ Mrs Trifle asked.
    ‘That dog just grabbed some food right off my plate!’ Bentley screamed.
    ‘Are you sure?’ Mrs Trifle asked. ‘He’s never done anything