shut his eyes tight. It was as if he had been looking into mist, and suddenly the mist had parted, and there beyond was an infinity of suffering.
When he opened his eyes he saw that the Elder was still gazing at him, but now his eyes were filled with tears. The Elder of the Community, the wisest of all the Noble Warriors, was weeping for him.
Seeker felt a tremor of fear.
"Speak to me, Elder. Please."
"What am I to say? That there are hard years ahead for you? You know that already. As for the rest, you must come to it in your own time."
"Will it make me weep, too?"
"I hope so. We weep for pity of those we must hurt, and our hearts break for those we love. But while we can still weep, we're not entirely lost. Beware of old men who don't weep."
Now Seeker's own eyes were filling with tears, even though he didn't understand what it was he must fear. He brushed the tears away with a clumsy fist.
"Go now, boy," said the Elder. "Say nothing."
6. Submission, Submission
S EEKER LEFT THE N OM BY THE P ILGRIM G ATE . H E made his way slowly across the stone-flagged square and passed between the rows of pine trees to the steps. As he went, he tried to make sense of all he had learned and to decide whom to believe. There was the voice that had spoken in his head, and there was the voice of the Elder. But stronger than either in his memory was the sight of his brother's face and the sound of the groan Blaze had uttered as he was cleansed. Seeker looked back at the high walls of the Nom, the castle-monastery that had stood all his life for what was good and strong, and for the first time he questioned its justice. If he must choose between his brother and the Nom, he chose Blaze. If the Nom said Blaze was a traitor, then the Nom must be lying; and if the Nom lied, then the Nom was bad. But at the same time, he loved the Nom and the Noble Warriors and had already begun to dream that he might be the one to save Anacrea from this new and terrible danger.
As he hopped down from step to step, it seemed to him that with each step his feelings changed.
I love Blaze. I hate the Nom.
Who hurts the Nom? Let me fight and kill them!
Who hurts my brother? Let me fight and kill them!
Surely you know that it's you who will save me.
The little we can do, that we must do...
But what is it I'm to do?
When he got home, he found the street door to the house was open and the downstairs rooms were empty. At this hour of the day his father was always to be found in his little library, and his mother in her chair by the street window, book in hand, pencil in her mouth, reading and making notes. One of her many jobs was reading and assessing new books and, where suitable, adding their titles to the list approved by the school.
But she was not in her reading chair.
Seeker climbed the stairs to the roof. Here on the flat roof, there was a little private terrace that looked out to sea. His mother was sitting in one of the faded cane chairs, beneath the bamboo awning. She was crying.
"Mama!"
Seeker threw himself into her arms. His mother never cried. It almost hurt him more than seeing Blaze suffer. He wanted to comfort her, but instead, unable to stop himself, he began to cry, too. The tears he had brushed from his eyes when he stood before the Elder now flowed freely. His mother held him tight and kissed his face, and their tears mingled on their cheeks.
"Darling boy," she said. "My darling boy. On your birthday, too. I don't know how to tell you."
"I know already, Mama."
"My poor Blaze."
"It's a mistake! It must be!"
"Don't say that, darling. In some way we can't understand, this is the will of the All and Only."
"It can't be! You know Blaze! They say he's a traitor to the Nom. Blaze would never betray the Nom!"
"They say that? Oh, my dear."
She bowed her head so he wouldn't see how much she suffered. Seeker racked his brain for something he could say to her to give her hope. He knew she would never take refuge in anger against the
When he opened his eyes he saw that the Elder was still gazing at him, but now his eyes were filled with tears. The Elder of the Community, the wisest of all the Noble Warriors, was weeping for him.
Seeker felt a tremor of fear.
"Speak to me, Elder. Please."
"What am I to say? That there are hard years ahead for you? You know that already. As for the rest, you must come to it in your own time."
"Will it make me weep, too?"
"I hope so. We weep for pity of those we must hurt, and our hearts break for those we love. But while we can still weep, we're not entirely lost. Beware of old men who don't weep."
Now Seeker's own eyes were filling with tears, even though he didn't understand what it was he must fear. He brushed the tears away with a clumsy fist.
"Go now, boy," said the Elder. "Say nothing."
6. Submission, Submission
S EEKER LEFT THE N OM BY THE P ILGRIM G ATE . H E made his way slowly across the stone-flagged square and passed between the rows of pine trees to the steps. As he went, he tried to make sense of all he had learned and to decide whom to believe. There was the voice that had spoken in his head, and there was the voice of the Elder. But stronger than either in his memory was the sight of his brother's face and the sound of the groan Blaze had uttered as he was cleansed. Seeker looked back at the high walls of the Nom, the castle-monastery that had stood all his life for what was good and strong, and for the first time he questioned its justice. If he must choose between his brother and the Nom, he chose Blaze. If the Nom said Blaze was a traitor, then the Nom must be lying; and if the Nom lied, then the Nom was bad. But at the same time, he loved the Nom and the Noble Warriors and had already begun to dream that he might be the one to save Anacrea from this new and terrible danger.
As he hopped down from step to step, it seemed to him that with each step his feelings changed.
I love Blaze. I hate the Nom.
Who hurts the Nom? Let me fight and kill them!
Who hurts my brother? Let me fight and kill them!
Surely you know that it's you who will save me.
The little we can do, that we must do...
But what is it I'm to do?
When he got home, he found the street door to the house was open and the downstairs rooms were empty. At this hour of the day his father was always to be found in his little library, and his mother in her chair by the street window, book in hand, pencil in her mouth, reading and making notes. One of her many jobs was reading and assessing new books and, where suitable, adding their titles to the list approved by the school.
But she was not in her reading chair.
Seeker climbed the stairs to the roof. Here on the flat roof, there was a little private terrace that looked out to sea. His mother was sitting in one of the faded cane chairs, beneath the bamboo awning. She was crying.
"Mama!"
Seeker threw himself into her arms. His mother never cried. It almost hurt him more than seeing Blaze suffer. He wanted to comfort her, but instead, unable to stop himself, he began to cry, too. The tears he had brushed from his eyes when he stood before the Elder now flowed freely. His mother held him tight and kissed his face, and their tears mingled on their cheeks.
"Darling boy," she said. "My darling boy. On your birthday, too. I don't know how to tell you."
"I know already, Mama."
"My poor Blaze."
"It's a mistake! It must be!"
"Don't say that, darling. In some way we can't understand, this is the will of the All and Only."
"It can't be! You know Blaze! They say he's a traitor to the Nom. Blaze would never betray the Nom!"
"They say that? Oh, my dear."
She bowed her head so he wouldn't see how much she suffered. Seeker racked his brain for something he could say to her to give her hope. He knew she would never take refuge in anger against the
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