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funeral dress.
    When I lived by myself, I always slept nude. One more thing I’d given up to come back here. I had nothing of my own anymore. I’d put myself in a situation where I had nothing left except Bosco. Why the hell had I given up everything to come back to this hell hole?
    Of course the answer was simple.
    Chase.
    I didn't want to admit it. Hated to admit it.
    For the last six years, I’d obsessed over him, like the bitter ex-girlfriend I was. Everyday I would think about him and wonder if he was happy. Some nights I cried myself to sleep, praying that he would come to his senses and show up on my doorstep. Although, I knew that was impossible.
    Now that I was here I felt pitiful and down right ashamed of myself. Seeing Chase stuck in his own funk, where he even ignored his daughter most of the time, made me realize what I was doing. It made me realize just how much of my own life I’d wasted pining for him. Good Lord! Didn’t I have any self-esteem left at all?
    I still longed to go to Chase and just lie next to him. The nights always seemed longer than the days and I didn't want to spend this one alone. It wasn't about sex. It was the backlash of loneliness I’d spent six years suppressing.  The thought of returning to my mother's house after what had happened at the funeral made me feel sick to my stomach. I knew she wouldn't throw me out, but I didn't want to deal with her. So once again I was spent spending another lonely night without human company. I heard Bosco walking down the hall and sighed. Thank God, I still had him.
    “In here, boy,” I called to him quietly.
    After a few hours of staring at the horse mural on the ceiling, I decided to get a glass of water. It was something to do to kill time until the sun came up. I crept down the dark hallway and into the kitchen.
    My heart skipped a beat when I saw Chase sitting at the kitchen table. How many times had I imagined living with him and seeing him half dressed at the breakfast table?
    “I thought you went to bed,” I said as I joined him at the table.
    He shrugged. “I tried to.”
    “I couldn't sleep either,” I admitted. “I just came out to get a glass of water.”
    “The glasses are in the first cabinet. Help yourself.”
    I moved slowly as if I were still in a daze. Though we hadn't talked about it, I knew Chase sensed that I didn't want to go back to my mother's house. He always had a way of knowing what was on my mind before I even opened my mouth to say it.
    I leaned against the counter sipping the water slowly. My mind searched, trying to find anything that we might be able to talk about without arguing.
    “I meant what I said earlier,” he said.
    I knew immediately what he was referring to. He was talking about when he said that he still loved me. I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. It was too risky and I didn't want to be hurt again. I would never willingly allow myself to feel such pain again in this life time.
    “I don't know what to say, Chase.” I sat back down. “I won't lie. I've missed you. Maybe more than you'll ever know, but what can we do about it? Nothing's changed, Chase. Nothing. So what, we’re six years older. We've managed to survive it. Our families are still the same people, and I haven't forgotten that you chose money over me. And now I find out that you threw that away too. Is there anything you haven't thrown away?”
    “Abby,” he replied.
    “Really? She's not here.”
    “She likes it better at her grandmother's house.”
    “That's a damn lame excuse and you know it! If you wanted her here, she’d be here.”
    I hadn't meant to snap at him again, but I was still angry. The Chase I’d known six years ago would have never left his daughter alone during such a pivotal time of her childhood. The man I’d known had married Melissa, just because she was pregnant with Abby. What the hell had happened to him?
    “You're not the only one that's had it hard,” he replied.