Scruffy - A Diversion

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Authors: Paul Gallico
anticipated. To begin with, in accordance with the geographical distribution of monkeys, they had no business being where they were. Apes (the Macaques were really not apes at all, but a tail-less species of the dog monkey, Tim learned) were simply not indigenous to Europe. Histories of the Gibraltar apes there were none, and such theories as had been propounded by the oldest inhabitants, whom Tim consulted, were pretty far-fetched.
    One of them was that at one time Africa and Europe were joined, making the Mediterranean an inland lake, and the apes were descendants of those who crossed over from Africa at the time. But this made no sense to Tim’s logical mind, since in that case the monkeys would have spread throughout all the coastal regions of Southern Spain where climate and flora were no different than at Gibraltar.
    Another was that some kind of tunnel existed under the Straits between Africa and the European mainland, terminating in St. Michael’s Caves, the entrance to whose impressive underground cathedrals was half-way up the side of the Rock. Tim found this to be poppycock.
    Most sensible of the presumptions was that during the Moorish occupation of the promontory then known as Jebel Tarik the beasts had been brought over in dhows by Moorish Traders. The animals found the place to their liking, and began to breed.
    Books on monkeys by famous zoologists and anthropologists for which Tim sent away to London proved equally unenlightening. There appeared to be endless chapters entitled “Menstrual Cycle and Behaviour”, and “Sexual Periodicity”, which depressed him beyond words, and shed no light whatsoever upon his immediate problems. Professors wrote books on the mentality and sociological organization of apes, or their aptitude for learning how to get at bits of food hung or buried beyond their reach, but none of them had got around to explaining how a monkey felt about things, which was what had concerned Tim from the beginning, and even more so now with Scruffy, the Problem Child, on his hands.
    From the regimental point of view, the Royal Artillery’s concern over apes was buried in dry archives and was not fruitful, but in the course of his investigation Tim ran across one bit of archaic gossip which somehow seemed to link the apes with the presence of the British and their regiments. This was to the effect that if and when the apes ever died out completely, or left the Rock, the British would be driven from Gibraltar.
    Since this cheerful little curse was not exactly friendly, it was no great feat of deduction for Tim to conclude that it must have been devised originally by Britain’s enemies.
    To maintain foothold on this extraordinary piece of real estate, the British had fought the Spanish, the French, and the Dutch. Which of these nations had fostered this happy slogan was not clear, but what interested Tim was the extent to which it had persisted in modern times, and even to this day on the Rock. He thought that in all probability it had been kept alive by the Spaniards, who for all of their politeness and seeming friendliness had never forgiven the British for pre-empting a piece of their territory to sit athwart the Mediterranean.
    Tim wondered whether this was why the responsibility for the apes had been handed over to a regiment quartered there and the Government actually provided an allowance for their maintenance. The apes not only appeared to be backed by tradition but seemed to be looked upon as mascots to an alien race occupying an alien territory. Tim was charmed to find the British Government involved in this kind of superstition.
    In the end his real foundation of ape lore, knowledge and eventually experience, Tim acquired from Gunner Lovejoy.
    Still smarting from the strips that had been torn off him by the Brigadier, Tim’s thoughts now turned to the Gunner and the strange partnership he had formed with him. The first meeting which had taken place in Tim’s office had been what

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