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patients as possible to take it.”
    I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding in a huge sigh of relief, my heart slowing back to a normal rhythm. I folded my hands on the desk and leaned forward. “You scared me. I thought you were going to tell me it was a hoax. That’s what Sebastian thought it was, some scam to get money out of people.”
    Dr. Cooper shook his head but he still wasn’t smiling, and that made me nervous all over again. “It’s no hoax, Mara, but my dear, you can’t take the shot.”
    A loud buzz filled my ears and though Dr. Cooper continued to talk, I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. I blinked once, twice as I grasped what he said. “Why not?” I whispered.
    He let out deep sigh and pulled my hands into his, cupping them like a grandfather would. “Nevermore is derived from cystius scoparius.”
    I stared at him, confusion rushing through me. “I don’t know what that is. Is it bad?”
    “Scotch broom. The concentrate within the drug would kill you at worst, and at best you would be in a constant state of agony, hives, sinus infections, swollen glands, and hypersensitivity to the mildest of irritations. There have even been some reported cases where people who were allergic to broom took Nevermore and now they’ve lost their eyesight.” He squeezed my suddenly ice-cold hands. “You can’t take Nevermore, Mara.”
    My mind whirled, hopes thrown about in a tornado of emotions before they crashed and burned. I pulled my hands slowly away from him and folded my arms across my breasts, at a loss for words.
    Dr. Cooper leaned back in his chair and slid a sheet towards me. “Here’s the chemical breakdown, Mara. Every aspect of the broom has been used in this drug, not just part of it.”
    “Why are you giving this to me?” I asked, trying to keep the venom that was welling up within me out of my voice, my hand gripping the paper.
    “Because I know you, Mara. I know how much you want children, and how hard you’ve worked to lose the weight that was preventing that dream. I know that you’re going to try and find a way around this, and I don’t want you to die. There is no way around this.” His voice was so soft, gentle, that it broke down the last barrier of strength I’d propped up, and a sob slipped out.
    “I’m so sorry, Mara,” he said, and I bit back the next sob that was bubbling up. I stood and ran to the door, pushing past the horde of people that filled the hallway, running till I reached my car. I leaned against it, head against the hot metal and let my heart slow down. It wasn’t the end of the world; it really didn’t make it any harder for Sebastian and me to have a baby. At least that’s what I told myself.
    “Got the shot did you?” a rather familiar voice threw the question at me.
    I spun on my heel to face down the chubby woman who’d been tossed out of the clinic. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I didn’t,” I snapped at her, forcing back the urge to punch her in her doughy face.
    She nodded. “Smart girl. I’ll tell you now, it was the best decision you ever made. The government won’t get you now.” She reached out and patted me on the arm. I shrugged her hand off me and bit my tongue, the four letter words on the tip that would leave me screaming and ranting at the unsuspecting woman.
    I unlocked the car, slid into my seat, and started the engine. The rear view mirror gave me a perfect picture of the purple muumuu waddling through the parking lot, the woman on her way to accost another person leaving the clinic.
    “It wasn’t a choice I made, it was a choice taken from me,” I whispered to her retreating figure. I took a deep breath and headed home to Sebastian and the farm.
     
     

4
    Days turned into weeks and before I knew it, I’d spent the next month alternately hiding in our tiny bedroom, watching daytime talk shows, and, in general, allowing myself to fall back into the depression that had found me after