polite; one says âI beg your pardon?.â
Secundo
, Iâve had enough of your mumbling, bumbling, rumbling little clique. Tobias, go sit next to Victoria. Gemma, stay where you are. Sophie, youâre coming to the front rowâright in front of me, so I can keep an eye on you. Not a word!â
Everyone crossed themselves and looked down respectfully as I gloomily made my way to the front of the classroom, wherechances of survival are low due to the rarity of breathable air.
I sat down wondering if it was possible for a human being with no known mermaid ancestry to hold her breath for fifty-five minutes. I tried anyway. After all, as Mum told me (when Dad wasnât around to contest her version with a Bible in hand), everyone is descended from fish-like things. Maybe if the situation was perilous enough I could summon some gills from the dawn of time.
âAh, Sophie, by the way,â said Mr. Halitosis, turning around from the smartboard.
âHmm?â I said, letting some of my precious air escape my nostrils.
ââHmmâ is not an appropriate way of acknowledging that someone is talking to you,â he grumbled. âAnywayâafter you told me that you, Toby and Gemma were writing an article on the university team for the
Goodall Days
, I got in touch with their cox and was extremely surprised to hear that this was not, in fact, another one of your lies.â
I nodded vigorously. I really couldnât afford to waste anymore air.
âIâm very pleased about this,â said Mr. Halitosis. âI look forward to reading your article. And to make it even better, Iâve arranged with their cox for you three to accompany them to Ely on their daily outing tomorrow afternoon.â
I managed a big smile and a double thumbs-up.
âThat is definitely not an acceptable response either!â whined Mr Halitosis. âYouare incomprehensible. One minute youâre screaming your head off, the next youâve gone as mute as the Little Mermaid. Anyway, back to the Tudors.â
And as he turned back to the smartboard, I discreetly dived down under the desk to breathe in some less contaminated air.
There was cauliflower gratin for lunch. It looked like human brains in a sauce made from pug dribble, and tasted just a little bit less nice. Toby, whose dad had cooked the dreadful concoction, was blissfully finishing Gemmaâsplate after licking mine clean. âI canât believe it,â I said. âWhy on Earth would Julius tell you that he thinks Rob is poisoning everyone?â
âHe and I have no secrets from each other,â said Gemma dreamily.
âBut it makes no sense! Will said it was a virus in the river. Thereâs no reason why anyone in the crew should think itâs purposeful poisoning.â
âWell, heâs guessed. Heâs clever like that.â
âWhy tell
you
, though?â
âI understand why youâre jealous, Sess,â said Gemma. âBut one day you too will find someone like him to tell you secrets, I promise.â
I shook with horror at the thought of a Julius Hawthorne replica muttering things into my ear. âNo, but I mean, why should he tell you and not his sister, or the police?â
âMaybe he has. Iâm sure heâs done everything he thinks is right.â
âIndubitably,â I sniggered. âItâs very weird. Anyway, since Iâm going to St. Catâs tonight, Iâll try to leave the parents somewhere and sneak into Rob Dawesâs room. What are you doing, Toby?â
âJust saving a little bit for my frogs,â he replied, conscientiously scraping some brains into his pencil sharpener. âIâve got another one now, I caught it in the pond behind the school. Theyâre getting along great together.â
One sidekick lost to love, the other to frog rearing. As usual, I was alone with my mission.
If your parents are anything like mine, they