this thing out of me. Then one morning, while filled with frustration, I started punching myself in the stomach callously, until… all of a sudden… as if in defiance, that thing inside me kicked back. Shock waves rippled from the tiny spot where it’s little feet touched, coursing up my skin like static electricity, and racing to the ends of every hair follicle. My whole body trembled and I stood there… shook and frozen. A moment of unexpected clarity took my breath away. My heart beat uncontrollably knowing this thing inside me… this… baby… just kicked.
I stared at my stomach in the mirror, scared to look straight at it. At that moment, a rush of emotions came over me, and tears slowly welled up in my eyes. I blinked, sending a soft wave of tears flushing down my cheeks and slowly cried to myself so nobody could hear me.
After that I became totally interested and consumed with this baby, this life inside my stomach. Suddenly I was eager to know what the sex of my baby was going to be. My emotional state kept growing stronger, as I stood in the bathroom, staring in the mirror amazed, slowly and tenderly, rubbing my stomach.
“Hey…” I said to my stomach, as I rubbed it with tears still in my face.
“You ok?” I kept talking, hoping my baby could somehow hear me.
“Are you ok?” said Kira, standing by the door with a weird look on her face.
I know she must be thinking I have lost my mind.
I jumped, “Oooo, you scared me.”
“No you scared me, I thought you were crazy for a minute,” she laughed.
“Yeah, I think I’m crazy too,” I said laughing it off while wiping the tears from my suddenly puffy face.
“Awww, why are you crying?” she said as she got closer to me and put her arms around me.
“I don’t even know,” I lied knowing she might not accept the decision I know I’m about to make.
“It’s the baby huh? Don’t worry; it will all be over soon after your appointment next week Wednesday, at 10:00.”
I simply said, “Oh,” knowing I wasn’t going to make that appointment. Thinking of how to find a way out of it, I said, “Wait, don’t you have class that day?”
“Yup, but this is more important.”
“Oh thank you.”
I wasn’t thankful anymore for her helping me try to kill my baby, but I did feel guilty, knowing she is doing everything she can to help me get my life back to normal, without knowing I have changed my mind. I didn’t know how to tell her the truth, and I didn’t want to disappoint her after all she has done for me.
“You’re welcome. But we got to leave in 20 minutes.”
“Ok.”
I finally managed to pull myself away from the mirror knowing I had to be at work. I was this close to calling out, but I needed money for this new baby growing inside of me and an apartment. So, I got dressed and went to work with the thought of how to tell Kira I wasn’t killing my helpless baby anymore, especially after it told me, in no uncertain terms, that it wanted to live. But on the other hand, how could I disappoint my best friend, who had been there for me from the start? Thinking about this took my mind far away, as I constantly rubbed my stomach, which seems to suddenly be growing out of control.
“Rachael?” One of my coworkers called out.
“Huh?” I snapped back to reality.
“You ok?”
“Umm yeah… I’m sorry.”
“Then why do you keep rubbing your stomach with a smile on your face? Did you have an amazing breakfast, or are you pregnant?”
Her guess scared me off my feet, “Umm” I paused. I didn’t want to tell her the truth and I didn’t want to lie either. “I’m ok,” I said, not knowing what else to say that wasn’t a lie or the truth.
“You pregnant aren’t you?”
“Umm,” I said speechless.
“Girl you can’t fool a mother, I was acting just like that when I first got pregnant.”
“How was it having the baby?” I asked curiously.
“It was something I wouldn’t trade for nothing.”
“Wow.”
I