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control of herself and offered him something to drink.
    But by then Chad was damn near catatonic, and accepting something to drink was the last thing on his mind. He walked over to the bed where Nikki lay sleeping and stared down at the child, his mind clicking so fast he could barely keep up with his thoughts. Paris had said it was unfair to Nikki, but what about him? Was any of what he was beginning to suspect fair to him?
    All these years later, Chad still remembered the feeling of his gut clenching as he turned to look at Paris. He remembered the confusion on her face, the questions in her eyes like it was yesterday.
    â€œNikki is Pam’s child?” he asked softly. Paris nodded hesitantly and he understood that she hadn’t meant to tell him. It was a secret between her and her twin sister, something no one was ever supposed to know.
    Chad took a week off from classes and went after Pam. He found her address in Paris’s phone book and flew to California to confront her. He stood outside the modest apartment building where she lived and waited for her to come out so he could pounce on her. He envisioned himself wrapping his hands around her neck and squeezing until she understood what it felt like to be lied to and cheated the way she had cheated him. He waited for her to show her deceitful face, but she never did. When he finally entered the building and knocked on her door, a neighbor spotted him and informed him that Pam was in New York, auditioning for a small part in a sitcom pilot. He thought about following her to New York and tracking her down, but the idea of spending the rest of his natural life in prison brought his bounty-hunting trip to a screeching halt.
    He returned to Georgia and did the one thing still in his power to hurt Pam. He married Paris and gave his daughter his name. Pam was obviously going on with her life, and he needed to go on with his. He banked his rage and considered himself lucky that, even if he couldn’t have Pam, he would at least have Nikki.
    Chad finished up in the bathroom and padded across his bedroom to climb into bed. Now that Pam was back, so was his anger, and he didn’t have the foggiest idea how he was going to keep himself from killing her now.

    Dear Diary,
    Â 
    I’m so glad Aunt Pam is here. She makes me not miss Mom so much. I mean, I’ll always miss Mom, but having Aunt Pam here helps me not to feel so bad, you know? I think it’s because they’re twins and looking at her is kind of like looking at Mom. Their voices sound different and they talk differently, but if I close my ears I can pretend, can’t I?
    Aunt Pam is like a movie star to me. She has the coolest clothes and makeup. And how many kids do you know who have famous relatives? I think I want to do what she does when I’m grown. I might have to take some singing lessons though, because I can’t sing a lick and I know it. Maybe she’ll help me with that.
    When I was little and Mom and I would visit, Pam cuddled me on her lap and sang to me. Silly little songs to make me laugh, but she always added her own touches to them and made them sound like grownup songs. I would stare into her mouth and wonder if she had a magic box in her throat that made her sound so beautiful. I never realize how much I love and miss Aunt Pam until I see her again. I want to wrap my arms around her and make her stay here with me forever. Mom is gone (sigh) but as long as Aunt Pam is here I don’t feel so alone. Dad tries to comfort me, but he’s a man and you know how they are (smile). I’m going to make Aunt Pam stay as long as I can.
    I hope she’ll want to spend time with me. I want us to do stuff together like me and Mom used to do. In California, we went shopping and to the beach, but we can’t do that stuff here, so I hope she won’t be bored if we spend time just talking and getting to know each other. I wonder why she always seems so distracted and