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in place, in order to keep warm in the large, draughty dormitory. But when Sister Joseph had found no neatly folded pile in place on their chair, they’d been taken to task for disobedience and unseemly behaviour.
    Since then they’d grown used to the nightly ritual but the odd glimpse of herself, which was all Ruby was privy too, left her with the strange misapprehension of being ugly; of lumps and bumps, aches and pains, which didn’t seem quite normal. Did all girls feel this same disillusionment in themselves? Did they too get belly ache, and have this mysterious bleeding which never seemed to be stemmed by the pads of rough cotton Sister George gave her? When it had first happened, she’d felt certain that she was bleeding to death, but Sister had assured her she would live. After a brief initial instruction on how to wash the cloths, no explanation or further mention had been made. The subject was never referred to again. If only someone would speak of it, then she wouldn’t worry so much.
    Pearl and Billy too were different. Billy had certainly grown taller under the nuns’ care. His eczema had cleared up and his hair grown back strong and healthy. But ever since the bullying episode he hadn’t been the same, lively little boy he’d once been. He’d become oddly quiet, almost withdrawn, rarely seeming to pay any attention to the activities going on around him. And there were still occasions when there were mysterious marks on his legs and arms. She would ask him if everything was all right, if he felt sick perhaps, or if the big boys had started on him again. But he would simply shrug his shoulders, or lay his head on his arms and say nothing. He hated to be questioned about anything, and Ruby worried about this a great deal. In her heart, she suspected the bullying continued, though felt at a loss to know how to stop it since she couldn’t prove anything.
    Once, she’d asked him what had happened to his little wooden boat, the one Mam had made for him, and he’d swung round in a fury and shouted at her.
    ‘Wooden boats are for babies, our Ruby, and I’m a big boy now!’
    She was stunned by this outburst, so unlike the cheerful little boy he’d once been.
    ‘’Course you are, and getting bigger every day. By heck, you’ll be growing out of them boots in no time.’
    Ruby suspected one of the bullies had deliberately broken the toy, and Billy was pretending not to care. The thought made her feel sick.
    As for Pearl, she made constant demands upon the nuns who were her teachers, begging for their help and sympathy whenever she didn’t understand something, but would then forget what they’d said or refuse to do the work. She could be vexing and manipulative, selfish and utterly brutal. She became ever more clinging and dependent, rarely leaving Ruby’s side. If Ruby were to speak to, or play a game with, any girl other than her sister, Pearl would exhibit every sign of jealousy even to giving the unfortunate interloper peevish little nips to make her go away. Yet the same rules didn’t apply to her own friends, whom she picked up and abandoned with regular and heartless callousness. One minute she would be all over them, being silly and giddy, the next she would toss them aside and refuse even to speak to them.
    Ruby wisely guessed that perhaps her sister wanted to make sure she was the one to end the friendship before they grew bored and abandoned her. That way, she might not be hurt quite so much. Sometimes Ruby would be driven to say something. ‘Try not to be unkind to your friends, Pearl. You should treat them as well as you’d like them to treat you. I know it hurts, losing Mam, but it’s not right to take out your pain on others.’
    But these sessions always ended in the same way, with her younger sister in tears asking if it was because of her being naughty that Mam had gone away. Ruby assured her that it wasn’t.
    Losing Mam had, without doubt, affected them all very badly.
    There were