myself into it. I study myself in the mirror, grab handfuls of my tummy fat, and decide I look like a pastier Sophia Loren on steroids.
âThe red one,â I yell into the living room, where Courtney is lighting incense and digging through drawers for candles. As she flings the dress at me, the phone rings. I check Caller ID and instinctively roll my eyes: my mom.
âHey, I canât talk,â I tell her. âIâm late to my party.â I struggle to get the polka-dotted fabric over my womanly hips, but itâs so tight it actually hides most of my bulges.
âI just called to wish you a happy birthday, dear,â she says. She already sent a card saying to buy myself a spring outfit on her.
âThanks,â I say, walking down the short hallway into the living room to show Court the dress. She gives it the thumbs-up. âAnd thanks so much for the gift.â
âIs that boy coming to your party?â my mom asks. She sounds like sheâs referring to a disease that could make my ears fall off.
âJake? Yes, heâs coming,â I say, puckering my lips at my reflection in the living room window.
âYou know, Jacquie, what they say: Canât find Mr. Rightââ
âYeah, yeah, Mr. Retarded,â I say, making the hand sign for âchatterboxâ at Courtney.
âWhat?â my mom asks.
âNothing.â
âLet me put your father on,â she says, handing over the phone.
âDaddy!â I say, sitting down on my desk chair to savor the one conversation Iâll probably have with my dad for the next three months.
âHappy birthday, baby,â he says.
âThanks, thanks so much. What are you guys doing tonight?â
âYour motherâs making dinner and I have blue books to grade.â
âOn what?â
âItâs for my first-year survey course on Western political thought. They will be awful.â
âItâll be a long night,â I say.
He laughs. âYes.â
âLook, I really have to go. Iâm so sorry, but weâre late for this party, and Iâm the guest of honor. Can we talk soon?â
âYes, baby,â he says. âHave fun.â
Courtney has dimmed the lightsâtheyâre all on dimmers, one of my apartmentâs many attributesâand lit three candles that are neatly placed on a tray on the floor. One of them she apparently brought with her from home, because itâs covered in glitter, animal stickers, and magazine pictures of happy things she hopes will come into my life: babies, kittens, sunny beaches, yachts, kisses shared by a pretty girl and a tall, hunky guy. I already have one similar candle creation à la Courtney by my bed and another on the edge of the bath. She makes them with her students. Courtney kneels with a pad of paper and a pen in her hands. âAll right, beautiful thirty-two-year-old Aries woman, make three wishes.â
I sit cross-legged in front of her. âOkay. I want to find a really well-paid writing gig.â¦â
âSay it in the present tense,â she says.
I kick myself for forgetting the first rule of creative visualization. âOkay, I am finding a freelance writing job that I love that will supplement my income so Iâm not killing myself to pay my bills every month.â
âKeep it positive, Jacq,â Courtney corrects me. âAnd be as specific as possible. Youâre more likely to get what you want if you can define it.â
âSorry, right. Okay, I am finding a regular writing gig for a high-paying, glossy magazine, that I love doing and that will provide me with enough extra income to keep me living the lifestyle that Iâm accustomed to.â I smile, all proud, and concentrate on my next wish. âOkay, Iâm finishing fixing up my apartment.â
âSpecific,â Courtney says.
âI am painting the bathroom and putting up the kitchen tiles and refinishing the