gonna do it!” I replied.
Stacia looked up from her seat at the foot of our pedestals. “Do what?” she asked innocently.
I took a step toward her and answered, “Bitch-slap you. Come here.”
Stacia jumped back just as I was about to get her.
Lucky for her, Emmy was faster and held me back. “Just slow down, Savvy. I’m sure she meant for these dresses to be a joke.”
Stacia looked at me, then Emmy, and then turned to Lizzy, who appeared to be frozen in horror in front of the mirror. “What? I think they’re pretty.”
“These aren’t pretty, Stacia!” Lizzy yelled. “I look like the Kool-Aid Man blew chunks on me!”
I turned back to Stacia and planted my hands firmly on my hips. “If you make me wear this, I will ruin your wedding. I swear to God, I will get shit-faced and sing “Welcome to the Jungle” in an Axl voice while doing the running man on top of the bar during your first dance as a married couple!”
Stacia mimicked my stance and narrowed her eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“I’ll show the pictures,” I whispered menacingly.
“What pictures?” she asked in confusion.
“ The pictures.”
Emmy gasped behind me.
“What? What is she talking about?” Lizzy asked.
Stacia’s eyes widened in understanding. “You promised.”
“What pictures?” Lizzy asked.
Stacia and I were in a standoff.
“Pick these dresses, and I’ll do it. You know I will.”
“ What pictures ?” Lizzy hollered.
After about ten more seconds of staring each other down, Stacia finally threw her hands up in defeat. “Fine!” she huffed. “Y’all can pick your own damn dresses.” She threw herself down in a wingback chair, crossed her arms over her chest, and began to pout while Emmy and I fist bumped in victory.
“Will someone please tell me what friggin’ pictures y’all are talking about?”
Emmy began telling the story of what had happened back in high school that led to me holding on to pictures to use as blackmail so many years later.
“Lizzy, remember that summer when your parents made you stay with your aunt and uncle in Boise because they thought we were bad influences, and they wanted to get you away from us?”
Lizzy looked up at the ceiling, trying to pull the memory back. “Yeah, I remember. That was the same year Savannah and I were suspended for two weeks because we super glued Bobby Mulroney to his desk in homeroom and drew dicks all over his face, right?”
“Little shit deserved it,” I mumbled under my breath. “He told the whole school Stacia was a cock tease because she wouldn’t put out after winter formal.”
“Nooo,” Stacia piped up. “He told everyone I gave lousy head, so he hadn’t bothered with screwing me.”
“That’s right. I totally forgot. That peckerhead!”
“You junk-punched him a few times for good measure too,” Stacia added.
“Anyway…” Emmy cut in. “The three of us decided to meet the guys over at The Ropes to go swimming.”
The Ropes was a place at the creek where some kids had decided to tie a bunch of ropes to the trees along the embankment, so they could swing into the water ten feet below. Cloverleaf wasn’t exactly known for being a town that had bred intelligence, so The Ropes was the best name people could come up with.
“Stacia decided to ride with me, and since my backseat was nonexistent, Savannah took her own car. We were about to turn onto Miller Road when Stacia thought it would be funny to stand out of my sunroof and flash Savannah since she was behind us.”
Lizzy looked over at me. “So what? You took pictures of her boobs?”
I started to laugh hysterically as I remembered back to that day.
Ah, good times.
Emmy continued, “No, it wasn’t just that she got pictures of Stacia’s boobs. Stacia got stuck because of the visor on the sunroof, and she couldn’t get back in. Then, her bikini top got knotted up in her hair, so she couldn’t get it back on.”
“Well, if you had stopped driving, there