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oftonight pressing down hard. My mom used to be my hero—whip smart and cunning. It’s why I’ve stayed. Why I defend her and protect her. But now I’m listening through her door to make sure the sleeping pill-vodka combo she’s downed has warded off her hallucinations. Things could be better.
    And that nagging worry I’ve had for a while now worms into my head. If Mom can flip from genius to genuine crackpot, what if my urge to do crazy stuff is a sign? A precursor that a drool cup and straitjacket are in my future? Dr. Surrey tells me I only have a 10 percent chance of being schizophrenic because Mom is. But 10 percent doesn’t mean no chance. What if I become just like her? I’m here for Mom, but if I lose my mind, there won’t be anyone to help me hide it.
    Mom’s colleagues and everyone in Hallend know she’s a drinker. It’s on public record. Has been since the day my younger brother, Ryan, fell off the roof of our house and died. Mom was wasted and had no idea where Ryan was. It was declared an “accidental death.” But people in Hallend gossiped that it was Mom’s fault. Dad never forgave her. He left her that day.
    But what Dad and everyone in Hallend didn’t know was that the second Ryan broke his neck, some freaky switch was thrown in Mom’s head, electrocuting her sanity. Somehow, though, even with all the whispering and pointing at her, even with Dad breathing down my neck to cut out and let Mom drink herself to death without me, she and I have hidden how nuts she can become. And I’ll have to keep it that way so Mom can continue to work and we can pay our bills and stay together.
    The heavy thought sends me reaching for my car keys. With Mom resting now, I can head out to get away from it all for a while.

Tessa
    After the game, Seth’s car and Juliette’s are the only ones left in the school lot. Juliette sits in hers, the engine and headlights on as she waits for me. A hundred feet away, Seth reaches for me in his front seat, curls his fingers around the back of my neck, pulls me to him until his lips are hot and soft against mine. He smells like soap from his locker room shower. His tongue probes. And I think, all wrapped in his arms and heat and wanting, I can’t ever lose him. My body falls toward him, loose and uncontrolled as water, my need for him gnawing inside me.
    A burst of headlights flashes against us. We yank apart, watch a car cruise past and up to the school’s front doors. Simone Channing glides out of the school to meet the ride. With her hand on the car’s door handle, she stops, stares our way for a long, awkward moment. My gaze shifts between Simone and Seth staring back at her, my insides wringing tighter until Simone finally gets into the car and it speeds away.
    Then Seth reaches for me again. Like Simone didn’t just interrupt our make-out session in a weird, huge way. He grips my waist, pulling me onto him. The steering wheel digs into my back. Hishard-on presses into my thigh. We haven’t had sex yet. Because of our schedules, inconvenient times or locations. But we’re close.
    So I shove down the questions I have about Seth and his ex, concentrate on how he feels against me. I close my eyes, float above it all, focus until I find the image of that girl basking in perfection.
    â€œTessa,” he says, breathless. He trails kisses down my neck, pushes my hoodie and T-shirt to the side, skims his lips along my collarbone.
    My head falls back. I picture the silhouettes of a guy and a girl. His silhouette clinging to me. His mouth open as he moans.
I
do that to him.
    The thought gives me the rush I crave, fills me with the confidence and power that only a boy grasping for me in the dark can bring.
    â€œTessa,” he says again.
    I open my eyes, realize he’s been staring at me. For how long? I straighten my arched spine. “Yeah?”
    â€œI just want to say—”