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with a backward
sweep of his arm. "Next cotton-picker says some embassy Johnny can cool me
gets worse'n that."
    "Tell me," said Retief.
"How are you boys fixed for wine?"
    "Wine? Mister, we been livin'
on stump water for a year now. 'Dobe's fatal to the kind of bacteria it takes
to ferment liquor."
    "Try this." Retief handed
over a squat jug. Swazey drew the cork, sniffed, drank, and passed it to
Lemuel.
    "Mister, where'd you get
that?"
    "The Flap-jacks make it.
Here's another question for you: would you concede a share in this planet to
the Flap-jacks in return for a peace guarantee?"
    At the end of a half hour of heated
debate Lemuel turned to Retief. "Well make any reasonable deal," he
said. "I guess they got as much right here as we have. I think we'd agree
to a fifty-fifty split. That'd give about a hundred and fifty oases to each
side."
    "What would you say to keeping
all the oases and giving them the desert?"
    Lemuel reached for the wine jug,
his eyes on Retief. "Keep talkin', mister," he said. "I think
you got yourself a deal."
    Consul Passwyn glanced up as Retief
entered the office.
    "Sit down, Retief," he
said absently. "I thought you were over on Pueblo, or Mud-flat, or
whatever they call that desert."
    "I'm back."
    Passwyn eyed him sharply.
"Well, well, what is it you need, man? Speak up. Don't expect me to
request any military assistance."
    Retief passed a bundle of documents
across the desk. "Here's the Treaty. And a Mutual Assistance Pact and a
Trade Agreement."
    "Eh?" Passwyn picked up
the papers and riffled through them. He leaned back in his chair, beaming.
    "Well, Retief, expeditiously
handled." He stopped and blinked at the Vice-Consul. "You seem to
have a bruise on your jaw. I hope you've been conducting yourself as befits a
member of the Consulate staff."
    "I attended a sporting event.
One of the players got a little excited."
    "Well . . . it's one of the
hazards of the profession. One must pretend an interest in such matters."
Passwyn rose and extended a hand. "You've done well, my boy. Let this
teach you the value of following instructions to the letter."
    Outside, by the hall incinerator
drop, Retief paused long enough to take from his briefcase a large buff
envelope, still sealed, and drop it in the slot.

CULTURAL EXCHANGE
     
    Note:  Cultural Exchange was in Envoy to New Worlds but
not reprinted in Retief Unbound.  It has been restored here so that both are
complete in one volume.
     
    . . . Highly effective ancillary
programs, developed early in Corps history, played a vital role in promoting
harmony among the peace-loving peoples of the Galactic community. The notable
success of Assistant Attaché (later Ambassador) Magnan in the cosmopolitization
of reactionary elements in the Nicodeman Cluster was achieved through the
agency of these enlightened programs. . . .
    Vol. III, reel 71 482 A. E. (AD
2943)
     
    First
Secretary Magnan took his green-lined cape and orange-feathered beret from the clothes
tree. "I'm off now, Retief," he said. "I hope you'll manage the
administrative routine during my absence without any unfortunate
incidents."
    "That seems a modest enough
hope," said Second Secretary Retief. "I'll try to live up to
it."
    "I don't appreciate frivolity
with reference to this Division," Magnan said testily. "When I first
came here, the Manpower Utilization Directorate, Division of Libraries and
Education was a shambles. I fancy I've made MUDDLE what it is today. Frankly, I
question the wisdom of placing you in charge of such a sensitive desk, even for
two weeks; but remember, yours is a purely rubber-stamp function."
    "In that case, let's leave it
to Miss Furkle, and I'll take a couple of weeks off myself. With her poundage,
she could bring plenty of pressure to bear."
    "I assume you jest, Retief,"
Magnan said sadly. "I should expect even you to appreciate that Bogan
participation in the Exchange Program may be the first step toward sublimation
of their aggressions into more cultivated