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This meant I was a free woman I said, and George turned to me and smiled and said that was all he was waiting for, and he took out a ring. Diamonds I think yes, and he got on his knees and proposed and of course I said yes. We went to his room and made love again, and it was even better this time now we were engaged, it was official and everything. And I told him I was sorry I had tried to run away. And he said it was okay, and he kissed me, and told me that if I ever tried anything like that again with the pencil he’d be forced to kill me. And then he held me in his arms, all night long in his arms around me, never leaving me, except for the bit in the middle I got up to write this.

    George has started smoking. He’d stopped years ago he said, but he’s been feeling tense. He looks tense too. And at night I can hear him walking and making the floorboards creak, I don’t think he’s sleeping much. I wasn’t sure at first how I felt about the smoking. Daddy used to smoke, but stopped when they made it bad for you, and Paul doesn’t smoke, and Jessie doesn’t smoke, and I don’t think Paul and I would have let her anyway. But I don’t know, I think I like it with George. It makes him look rugged. He’s asking me why no one’s reported my disappearance, don’t my family want me back? And I said that Paul probably knew I wasn’t in love with him anymore and was doing the decent thing. That didn’t make him any less tense, not one bit. I asked him if I could cook dinner for him to help him unwind, and he looked at me a bit strangely then sort of shrugged and said why not. It was lovely to see the kitchen, all the saucepans and spoons and knives and sieves, all silver and gleaming, it quite took my breath away. He wouldn’t let me do any of the sharp stuff, but it was nice us doing the meal together and I made him my specialty. We ate our beans and chips in the sitting room and I think George enjoyed it as much as I did. Afterwards he lit a cigarette and I asked if I could have one, a little shyly actually. And he said he’d nearly finished the packet he needed them, but he’d get some more tomorrow, a lot more, I could have one of those. And I told him they made him look rugged. And that I loved him so much, I loved his hands and his teeth and his neck, I loved his arms, all I didn’t love was his moustache, George Clooney didn’t have a moustache, the real George Clooney, it spoiled the effect, it spoiled everything. He didn’t say anything for a while, just sat there and smoked. I asked him if he was all right. And he said he was just working out what to do now. What should he do now? And I told him not to worry, I’d take care of the washing up for once. And I did.

    I’m worried about George. He’s behaving very oddly. He hardly said a word when he let me out for breakfast, and he didn’t touch his Rice Krispies. He smoked the last of his cigarettes, then said he was going out to buy some more, and locked me in my room. When he let me out for lunch I told him he’d promised me I could have a cigarette today, and he didn’t say anything for a while, then handed me the packet. He lit it for me. I’d never smoked before and it was pretty horrid but I worked out it wasn’t quite so bad if you don’t put it in your mouth. I asked him if I looked rugged and he said he didn’t know, so I asked if he could take me to the bathroom so I could look in the mirror, and we went and looked and I don’t think I looked especially rugged, not like George does. But then I’m not sure I want to look rugged, so long as one of us is rugged that’s all right with me, I asked George if he could do the rugged stuff on his own and he said sure. I told him that when we had a baby we’d see how it went, if it were a Jessie we wouldn’t let it smoke, but we would if it were a Jimmy, he could be rugged like his father, we’d start him young, we’d start him right away. I asked him when he thought we could get to work