Iâm not over the limit, then Iâm definitely close to it. And Iâm not even legal yet.
Cody stares at me for a moment, then shrugs. âSuit yourself.â He drops his hands and steps away from me. I watch as he takes a pull on the beer thatâs in his hand. I can feel the chill coming off him.
I suddenly feel empty.
I stick around for a while and try to talk with him. But his answers get shorter and shorter. I go to talk with the other guys, but itâs obvious they donât want to have much to do with me if Codyâs mad.
Iâm angry that Iâm making a mess of everything. Including my own brain.
I watch one more race, standing alone by Codyâs car.
Almost everybody has been eliminated from tonightâs showdown. Cody and Bibs will be the last race of the night.
Cody doesnât even acknowledge me as he climbs into his seat and starts the engine.
Stumbling a bit from the beer, I leave.
Chapter Eleven
I shouldnât go back down there. I feel stupid and small and embarrassed after last weekâs disagreement with Cody. But I still want to race.
Andâdamn itâI want to see Cody. I feel like I disappointed him last week.
I take a few beers from the fridge and leave the house around midnight. Dadâs out at some meeting. Iâm nervous about how Cody will treat me when I show up, so I pop the top on one of the bottles. Itâll take the edge off. That, and a bit of music. And maybe a smoke.
The early summer air feels warm on my face as I drive down to the stage. I park on the shoulder and wait. I take a wet wipe out of the packet I bought earlier in the week and scrub my fingers so Cody canât smell the cigarette.
My mixed messages start up again. Maybe he wonât show up tonight. Maybe that would be a good thing. The guyâs got to take a day off every now and then, right?
Right.
I feel a mixture of fear and excitement when he pulls up. First car of the night.
He kills the engine and climbs out. Motions for me to do the same. And, like a robot, I do. He doesnât even say hello, just grabs the back of my neck and presses his mouth against mine. My air leaves me in a sharp gasp and he leans into me against the side of my car, pressing his pelvis into me. I tip my head back, and he pushes his hands into my hair.
âYouâre so beautiful,â he whispers against my throat. âI missed you.â A shiver works its way from the bottom of my spine all the way out to my fingertips. His hands find their way under my shirt. I donât try to stop him this time.
Iâm no lightweight.
I lean into Cody, wanting to please him. He unbuttons my jeans and slips his hand inside, rough. But I can live with it. He likes it.
And that makes me happy.
I hardly notice when another car pulls up. But Cody does. He pulls back suddenly, leaving me to yank my shirt down over my unbuttoned pants in the glare of the other carâs headlights.
I turn my back. My hands shake as I quickly zip my jeans and button them. My face burns. Shame prickles in my throat.
Isnât this what you wanted, Jenessa?
My headâs spinning, and Iâve only had one beer.
Cody goes around to the passenger side of his car and pulls out his cooler of beer. He throws one in my direction. I forget about trying to straighten my shirt and grab for the bottle. I donât want it to hit the ground. Who knows how mad heâd be if I let that happen.
He laughs.
The night has begun.
Chapter Twelve
âHey, Jenessa. Howâs by you?â
My heart stops when I hear Dmitriâs voice. I didnât check the caller id before picking up. I was assuming itâd be a telemarketer.
I figured Dmitri had given up on me. Itâs been weeks since that night we parked. Weeks since I turned into a blubbering idiot in front of him.
âIâmâ¦good,â I say. âBusy.â I pause. âMidterms and all.â
Dmitri laughs. The sound of it