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explanation of how someone may have developed in a different way. It doesn’t explain how that person is the same if not better in so many other ways. Perhaps it’s a blessing,not a curse. You know, I can also feel very proud that perhaps his being so smart and wise and lovable is also “my fault”! 3
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    1 . Names have been obscured. When I asked M— whether she wanted me to anonymize or pseudonymize names, here’s what she said: “I really don’t mind you using our real names, but C— (my husband) thinks we should err on the side of caution and just use initials, as we don’t know where this will be published in the future, and we do NOT want to end up on Oprah or ET !”
    2 . There is a (fairly plausible) theory that upping testosterone levels puts genetically female bodies into a form of “early menopause,” which means that calcium levels drop along with bone marrow density. Even though the presence of testosterone as the dominant hormone in the body should keep bones strong and calcium at levels normal for men of comparable age, some doctors have suggested transmen should nevertheless supplement calcium to defend against the possibility of osteoporosis.
    I take a high-quality multivitamin and calcium/magnesium supplement pretty much daily, but occasionally I forget or don’t feel like it. Now I think of what S—’s mother said and haven’t missed one since.
    3 . Since this interview was conducted, my friend S— has hit a rough patch. When he was younger, before transition, he attempted suicide a couple times. And he did again recently—thankfully unsuccessfully. S— has struggled with depression and anxiety over the years, having things completely under control for long spells, then less so for others. Now, though, he is getting a handle on his condition, and with the help of proper medication and counseling (plus a yogi/swami) is learning to live with his particular challenges. It’s a day-to-day struggle, of which his mother, stepfather, and several friends have been extremely supportive. (He is one of the lucky ones in that regard.)
    I thought about leaving out this update on S—, so as not to be a complete downer, but at the same time I think it’s important to include it, especially in light of a 2010 survey that found that 41 percent of transgender people in the United States have attempted suicide (twenty-five times that of the nontrans population rate). The same study found that 19 percent have been refused medical care because of their gender status, and 2 percent reported having been violently assaulted in a doctor’s office.
    I have no doubt that discrimination is behind most of these elevated figures, especially when you start adjusting for race, class, education, access to health care, HIV status, homeless status, and a million other things, all of which only compound “minority stress” (which I like to think of as “transie panic,” which I definitely have, if only on the days I am reminded of it).



MY MOTHER’S FAULT
    W E WERE A PRETTY open family, physically, affectionately. My parents often took naked saunas and Jacuzzis together (not like that ), as well as with me and my brother, and while my father would generally holler, “Look away!” as he was exiting the water and reaching for a towel to cover himself, I still saw full moons as well as snippets of other stuff some of the time. My mother was naked a lot in front of me (she still is on the rare occasions we’re staying in a hotel together over the holidays, or she asks me to talk to her while she’s in the bathtub when I’m visiting). My brother was never shy about being nude either (I have a number of vivid memories of him standing buck naked in the garage, fishing through the clothes dryer for clean Levi’s, which he would then pull on without any underwear). I, however, recall always being extremely anxiousabout being naked in front of my family—not to mention anybody else—as