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we are off racing, and that worries me too. It is as if we are becoming two families.
    I don’t fit in at school, and now I don’t really fit in at home either.
    It is early summer and Uncle and I have had a good week. Two race meetings, three winners.
    That weekend, two girls from Michaela’s school come to stay – Emma (tall with dark hair which she swishes around as if she’s in a shampoo commercial) and Flossie (loud voice, large, likes to think of herself as something of a character).
    I have learned over the past year that they are a school gang. They have their own private jokes, bits of stupid-sounding slang from ‘the Lodge’ which I don’t understand. They chatter away together like three happy songbirds. Beside them, I feel like a scruffy little sparrow.
    I try to join in, but I get a full range of unfriendly looks – the ‘who-are-you-again?’ look, the ‘and-what-do-you-know-about-this?’ look, the ‘are-you-still here?’ look.
    I can handle that. The weekends when the ‘gang’ are staying, I go about my business, spending more time on my own. There’s always something I can do in the stables.
    That Saturday, after breakfast, I’m in the stable yard, saddling up Dusty for our morning ride, but there’s no sign of Michaela, Emma or Flossie. When I go into the house, I find them watching TV.
    â€˜I’m going riding. Anyone coming?’
    No answer. All eyes on the screen.
    â€˜Er, hello. Anyone?’
    At this point, Michaela stretches. Without looking at me, she says, ‘Could you tack up Marius for me?’
    â€˜
What?
’
    â€˜Oh, and Lucky as well while you’re at it. Em’s riding Dusty, by the way.’
    â€˜Michaela, what is this?’
    â€˜Cheers, Jay.’
    I stand there for a moment while the three of them gaze at the screen. I’m aware that I seem to be trembling. Flossie clears her throat and murmurs to Michaela, ‘Don’t look now, Mick, but she’s still here.’ The other one, Emma, gives a little laugh.
    Michaela glances at me. ‘We’ll be out when this is over. Oh, and make sure you remember to put a drop-noseband on Marius.’
    I leave, but I don’t go to the stables. I go to my room, then down the back stairs to find out whether the gang are more talkative now than when I was there.
    They are.
    â€˜It’s embarrassing,’ Michaela is saying. ‘She behaves as if she’s one of the family when she’s so not.’
    â€˜Isn’t she your cousin?’ The question is murmured. I think it’s from Emma.
    â€˜Cousins don’t count as family.’ Michaela gives a little laugh. ‘She doesn’t anyway. She’s basically a stable girl. She’s here to look after the ponies.’
    â€˜So why does she stay in the house and eat with the family?’ asks Flossie.
    â€˜We used to go to school together. There was this big tragedy. Her father had walked out. Then her mum – my dad’s sister – died of cancer and she had to stay with us.’ Michaela drops her voice. ‘My dad has always wanted me to treat her like one of us – like a friend. He didn’t want me to grow up to be a snobby bitch, basically.’
    â€˜That’s going well,’ Flossie mutters, and they all giggle.
    â€˜No, seriously.’ Michaela drops her voice, but I can still hear every word. ‘She and her mum used to live in this block of flats where the stairs smelled of like, you know, toilets. And her mother was always in trouble. I feel sorry for Jay and all that, but the fact is she’s really lucky to be here. She’s like our private charity case.’
    â€˜Aaaah,’ coos Emma. ‘That is so nice of you guys.’
    â€˜Yeah, and my stepmother says it’s important we don’t make her feel like a servant,’ says Michaela. ‘Although she is, totally. She goes to these gypsy