we are off racing, and that worries me too. It is as if we are becoming two families.
I donât fit in at school, and now I donât really fit in at home either.
It is early summer and Uncle and I have had a good week. Two race meetings, three winners.
That weekend, two girls from Michaelaâs school come to stay â Emma (tall with dark hair which she swishes around as if sheâs in a shampoo commercial) and Flossie (loud voice, large, likes to think of herself as something of a character).
I have learned over the past year that they are a school gang. They have their own private jokes, bits of stupid-sounding slang from âthe Lodgeâ which I donât understand. They chatter away together like three happy songbirds. Beside them, I feel like a scruffy little sparrow.
I try to join in, but I get a full range of unfriendly looks â the âwho-are-you-again?â look, the âand-what-do-you-know-about-this?â look, the âare-you-still here?â look.
I can handle that. The weekends when the âgangâ are staying, I go about my business, spending more time on my own. Thereâs always something I can do in the stables.
That Saturday, after breakfast, Iâm in the stable yard, saddling up Dusty for our morning ride, but thereâs no sign of Michaela, Emma or Flossie. When I go into the house, I find them watching TV.
âIâm going riding. Anyone coming?â
No answer. All eyes on the screen.
âEr, hello. Anyone?â
At this point, Michaela stretches. Without looking at me, she says, âCould you tack up Marius for me?â
â
What?
â
âOh, and Lucky as well while youâre at it. Emâs riding Dusty, by the way.â
âMichaela, what is this?â
âCheers, Jay.â
I stand there for a moment while the three of them gaze at the screen. Iâm aware that I seem to be trembling. Flossie clears her throat and murmurs to Michaela, âDonât look now, Mick, but sheâs still here.â The other one, Emma, gives a little laugh.
Michaela glances at me. âWeâll be out when this is over. Oh, and make sure you remember to put a drop-noseband on Marius.â
I leave, but I donât go to the stables. I go to my room, then down the back stairs to find out whether the gang are more talkative now than when I was there.
They are.
âItâs embarrassing,â Michaela is saying. âShe behaves as if sheâs one of the family when sheâs so not.â
âIsnât she your cousin?â The question is murmured. I think itâs from Emma.
âCousins donât count as family.â Michaela gives a little laugh. âShe doesnât anyway. Sheâs basically a stable girl. Sheâs here to look after the ponies.â
âSo why does she stay in the house and eat with the family?â asks Flossie.
âWe used to go to school together. There was this big tragedy. Her father had walked out. Then her mum â my dadâs sister â died of cancer and she had to stay with us.â Michaela drops her voice. âMy dad has always wanted me to treat her like one of us â like a friend. He didnât want me to grow up to be a snobby bitch, basically.â
âThatâs going well,â Flossie mutters, and they all giggle.
âNo, seriously.â Michaela drops her voice, but I can still hear every word. âShe and her mum used to live in this block of flats where the stairs smelled of like, you know, toilets. And her mother was always in trouble. I feel sorry for Jay and all that, but the fact is sheâs really lucky to be here. Sheâs like our private charity case.â
âAaaah,â coos Emma. âThat is so nice of you guys.â
âYeah, and my stepmother says itâs important we donât make her feel like a servant,â says Michaela. âAlthough she is, totally. She goes to these gypsy