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the house and asked about me, I agreed to see him.
    I had been preparing myself for this conversation all morning, rehearsing what I’d say to him and mentally preparing myself for his responses. But as soon as he walked into my room and closed the door behind him, I felt a heavy knot twist in the pit of my stomach. It was then when I realized that there was nothing that could have prepared me for this moment. Because no matter what was about to happen, I knew I was going to hurt him, and there was nothing I could do to avoid that outcome.
    “Are you okay, Clo?”
    I was sitting on top of my bed when he rushed over and gave me a hug. I didn’t hug him back.
    “I’m fine, Jax.” I looked down at my feet, finding it hard to turn and face him. “I’m sorry I haven’t been really responsive lately. I’ve just been really tired since the accident.”
    From the corner of my eyes, I saw him open his mouth to say something, but stopped. He watched me intently before sitting down next to me on the bed. “Can you look at me?”
    I froze, surprised by the bluntness of his question. “Why?” I ended up blurting out.
    “Because…” He drew in a sharp intake of breath. “Because you haven’t really looked at me for longer than a minute since your accident.” His voice was low and uneven.
    Guilty wrenched against my insides, knowing that he was already in pain and I was the cause. Fighting back the tears that threatened to break my composure, I clenched my jaw tightly, dug my nails deep against the side of my thigh, and tried to focus on the pain.
    “I’m sorry, Jax,” I finally said. “I’ve just been thinking a lot about us since the accident.” I tried to focus on the explanation I had thought up and rehearsed before he’d arrived.
    “Thinking about what?” There was uneasiness in his question.
    “I just think we should put the past behind us, you know? So much as happened between us, I think it’s foolish for us to think we have a future together. We’re not the same people we were when we were kids. We’ve both changed in the last nine years apart. We don’t owe each other anything. We shouldn’t feel obligated to get married just because we made a silly pact when we were kids.”
    There was a moment of silence as he took in my words. “You’re not making sense, Clo,” he said softly. “I don’t feel obligated to do anything. That’s not how I feel about you or what we have. This has nothing to do with the pact.” He grabbed ahold of my hands and squeezed them tightly between his. “This has everything to do with how I feel about you. There’s something special between us and I’ve known that for a very long time. I know you have, too. That kiss we shared the other night by the lake? That was real.”
    Unable to respond with words, I shook my head violently.
    Suddenly, before I could stop him, he grabbed my face and pulled me toward him. His mouth greeted mine with hunger as his tongue forced my lips apart. For a split second, I kissed him back, unable to control my own desire as my lips and tongue moved with his.
    “No! We can’t,” I cried out as I pushed him away violently when I realized what we were doing. “I can’t,” I said as I wiped my lips with the back of my hand and gasped for breath.
    “Why?” he demanded as he grabbed my arms and started to shake me. “Give me one reason why!”
    “Because…” I caught a glimpse of the pain and confusion in his eyes and immediately looked down to the floor. “Because I’m in love with someone else.”
    He froze as soon as he heard my words. I was riddled with guilt that I had to hurt him with this lie, but I tried to remind myself that I was saving him from the pain of knowing the truth.
    “No, you’re lying.” He took a step back and shook his head in disbelief.
    “It’s the truth,” I tried to convince him. “It’s my ex-boyfriend in Los Angeles. He’s been trying to get me back and it wasn’t until the accident, when I