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literal forty winks...and...I started to think...all the thoughts started creeping up in my mind — did he like it?...what about now?...and HOW were we going to hide this during Christmas, meeting friends and family...and beyond that? Would there even be a “beyond”? What should we do?
    I moved closer, my body up against Ed’s...and his natural scent, Good God it drove me wild...the mere thought of the memory of it does...it must have been the hot sweaty pheromones...
    I tried not to worry: if Ed would be appalled and disgusted with me when he woke up, if it was I that “seduced my brother”, if we were going to keep this a sinister secret, if people got upset if they knew, if there was anyone else in the whole world that had experienced this, if there was anything that Ed had done that came close to this, if what we did was depraved, if there was something wrong about us...
    I hugged him with one arm, touching and caressing his body. I whispered over his neck...“Ed, Ed...”...and he grunted a muted “uh” in reply...he wouldn’t look at me. His eyes were shut, so I gave him a few kisses over the spot that I’d whispered his name...I guess he was still konked out...then his hand came up to meet mine, which was over his right shoulder...he gently held my fingertips...it’s nice how a small gesture can mean so much...we held hands for a long time...it was wicked lovely, the whole thing, from his first hug down to my last kiss...and it was so calming...together with Ed in the afterglow...me on him...skin on skin.
     
    [Ed / 24 Dec 2007]
     
    Past two days, I have had the privilege, the unknown to all of mankind privilege of losing and finding myself in Julie...of waking up beside her...of waking up to dreaming reality in her eyes.
    That night...we were talking and making love until 6 in the morning...we were willing , open, honest...and tomorrow, when we have to meet people we care about and who care about us, we’ve agreed to put whatever acting skills we have to good use...because the world will not understand...she and I will just pretend that everything is normal, that nothing happened...that all we are...are bro and sis.
    And I was just thinking. I was thinking yesterday when I came home from work, and we ended up in my bed again like the first night. We’re not a couple of horndogs who just wanna get busy, it’s more than that, I don’t have the words. Even if you spilled open the whole dictionary and placed all of it into a microchip in my head...what are words when there’s Julie, lost in a world of her own, lost in a world that isn’t shut out to you? To be embraced by her sweetness, and kind lovingness...her brightness, intelligence...and her breath-taking, flawless body...bliss thrashing about in the look on her face. Her mouth open in that perfect shape, right before you. Her hair falling over you, each and every one of her rapid breaths telling you to wrap her in closer...
    And today, again, I was envisioning seeking some further shores...beyond the dog-eat-dog, polluted, dreary mundanity of city living...and I don’t know about the countryside, but I want to go some place... exotic , some place that makes me feel alive . Where there’s culture, beauty. Something that will reach my soul. I know that itch, that urge, that call to see the world, explore everything, and take her with me by the hand because she makes me want to be my best...I want to live life with her...
    I don’t know about signs/synchronicity/fate and all...but 2 hours ago I get an e-mail from Ruffy...the fella with the monkey limbs...who’s telling me to check this thing out coz I could travel at the same time and will this work will this work if the opportunity shows itself...one should always, always take it before it’s too late...Rafiz says he’ll buy a fake degree if he needs to, coz he wants to travel and do this too and he just doesn’t have the funds to get this piece of paper and even doctors and lawyers cheat on