Read Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or the Wonder Years Before the Condescending, Egomaniacal Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase for Free Online Page A

and I position myself next to the door, just in case. I figure if anything weird goes down, I can get out first. My rationale is I don’t have to be faster than Tony; I only have to be faster than Donna and Leslie.
    I’m not quite sure why we don’t just swing by my house first because it’s closer to the Y, but all my worrying is for naught when we arrive at Donna’s house minutes later. Both her parents are there and all the grown-ups greet each other and then go downstairs to their rec room. It’s still kind of early, so Donna and I head into her parents’ bedroom and watch some of The Man from Atlantis .
    Half an hour later during a commercial break, I tell Donna’s mom I should probably go home, to which she replies, “Great! I’ll let Tony know.”
    “Excuse me?” I ask.
    “Tony’s going to leave so I can have him drive you to your house.”
    Um, hi, I’m only nine, 19 and even I know this is the worst plan ever to be uttered out loud by an actual adult. She wants me to catch a ride in the dark alone with some guy who hangs out at her husband’s bar?
    Is she crazy? (Or is this payback for the egg salad?)
    I gawp at Donna’s mom for what seems like an hour before I finally reply, “No.”
    She bends toward me like she didn’t hear me. “I’m sorry?”
    I fold my arms and raise my chin in defiance. I’m not going to be bullied into doing something that makes me uncomfortable. “I said no. I’m not riding with him. He may be your family friend, but he’s not mine. My parents have never met him and I don’t know his last name.”
    She sighs. “Jennifer, his last name is—”
    I interrupt. “I don’t care what his name is or that it’s just three blocks. I’m not getting in a car with that stranger by myself. If you don’t want to drive me, then call my mom and she can come get me. Or else I’m staying here.”
    Resigned, Donna’s mom gets her keys and silently leads me out to her little gold Toyota wagon. Donna and Leslie tag along, too, and the atmosphere is festive as we drive up the hill to my house. I arrive home safe, sound, and in plenty of time to see the end of the show. 20
    I tell my mother what happened and she makes a quick, heated call to Donna’s house. Later, as she tucks me in and kisses me good night, my mom tells me I just earned an unofficial merit badge in courage.
    What I don’t tell her is that I knew if I’d taken that ride, anything could have happened, and none of it good.
    And that would have ruined ice cream sandwiches for me forever.

Miss New Jersey Has Everything

    (Brown Tasseled Clogs)
    T oday I’m taking the shortcut home. Often I go the long way so I can stop in the park and pay a visit to the swing set (or hot dog stand), but this afternoon is not about dawdling (or sauerkraut). My dad’s finally home after his extended business trip to Indiana and I suspect there’s a present in his suitcase with my name on it.
    (Dear God, please let it be candy!)
    My friend Beth and I make a beeline through the woods across from school. Her house is on the cul-de-sac right by the tree line on the other side and mine is a couple of blocks past that. Beth’s house is kind of famous because the Prudential Insurance people once picked it to be in a commercial. At the last minute, Beth’s mom decided she didn’t want a film crew crashing a tree through her big living room window even if they promised to fix it right afterward, so the director used the house next door. We got to be there for the filming anyway. I loved when they used that snappy black slate thing and shouted “Action!” 21 When the commercial ran during Happy Days a few months later, we could see Beth’s garage in the shot.
    I’m delighted by my friendship with Beth because she used to not like me. Hers was the first birthday party I attended right after we moved here from Boston in third grade, and my mom made me give her a Mrs. Beasley doll for a present.
    Mrs. Beasley . From the uber-creepy show