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described it all for you to the best of my ability. All day I have thought of nothing but you. My heart has been pining for you, my dear. After all, my darling, I know that you have no warm coat. These St Petersburg springs with their wind and rain mixed with snow – they’ll be the death of me, Varenka! Such temperate weather * that the Lord preserve us! Don’t be too hard on my writing, darling; I have no style, Varenka, no style at all. If only I had just a little bit! I write what wanders into my mind, so as to provideyou with some diversion. If only I had done some studying, everything would be different; but what kind of studying have I done? Not even enough to scrape by on.
    Your constant and faithful friend,
    M AKAR D EVUSHKIN
    April 25
    Makar Alekseyevich, Sir,
    Today I met my cousin Sasha! What a terrible thing to happen! She too will be ruined, poor woman! I also heard from the certain quarter that Anna Fyodorovna is still making enquiries about me. I do not think she will ever stop trying to make my life a misery. She says she wants to
forgive me
, to forget all that has been, and that she will come to visit me. She says that your are no relation to me at all, that she is a closer relation, that you have no right to enter into our family affairs and that I ought to be ashamed and embarrassed to live on your charity and your salary… she says I have forgotten her hospitality, that she probably saved mother and me from death by starvation, that she fed us and looked after us and was out of pocket on our account for more than two-and-a-half years, that in addition to all that she agreed to overlook a debt we owed her. And she hadn’t a good word to say for mother! Oh, if poor mother only knew what they have done to me! God sees it!… Anna Fyodorovna says I was too stupid to and on to my luck, that she took me down the right path, that she is not to blame for any of the other things that have happened and that it was I who was either unable or, possibly, unwilling to stand up for my own honour. But who was to blame for that, Great God in Heaven? She says that Mr Bykov was entirely in the right, and that a man doesn’t simply go and marry the first woman who… but why should I write about that? It is cruel to hear such slanders, Makar Alekseyevich! I do not know what is happening to me right now. I am trembling, weeping, sobbing; it has taken me two hours to write you this letter. I thought that at least she would admit her guilt in my regard; and look how she is behaving now! For God’s sake, don’t worry, my friend, my only well-wisher! Fedora exaggerates everything: I am not ill. I simply caught a slight cold yesterday when I went to Volkovo for mother’sfuneral. Why did you not come with me? I told you that I wanted you to, so badly. Oh, my poor, poor mother, if only you were able to rise from your coffin, if only you knew, if only you could see what they have done to me!…
    V. D.
    May 20
    Darling Varenka!
    I send you a few grapes, my darling; they are said to be good for those who are convalescing, and the doctor recommends them for the alleviation of thirst – especially for thirst, as it were. You expressed a wish for roses the other day, little mother; so now I send you some herewith. Do you have an appetite, my darling? – that is the most important thing. Anyway, thank God that all that is over and done with, and that our misfortunes are also drawing to a decisive close. Let us offer thanks to Heaven! But as for books, I have so far been unable to obtain them anywhere. There is said to be one particularly good book, written in a very fine style; it is supposed to be good, I have not read it myself, but everyone here sings its praises. I have ordered it, and have received the promise that it will be dispatched to me. Only will you read it? In my experience, you are hard to please in these matters; it is difficult to satisfy your taste, I know it well, my