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time that you were,” I said, stammering. “I mean, I’ve got to go to the library and study. You don’t own the building, you know.”
    But it was like Brian didn’t hear me, and all of a sudden, I noticed that the tiny blond girl he had been holding the door for at the library was standing off to the side, waiting for him while he told me off.
    “First you show up at my house, then you follow me to the library. And don’t think I don’t know that it’s you calling my house and hanging up.”
    Yes, I went to his house. Yes, I saw him at the library. But I wasn’t calling him. I swear. I was so confused, it was all I could do not to break into tears on the spot.
    “Someone’s been calling my house and hanging up, Bee,” he said. “The caller’s number is unlisted, but I know that it’s you.”
    “I don’t have an unlisted number. I don’t even have a landline. My cell is a friends and family phone. It shows my dad’s name. You know that.”
    Brian wasn’t having it. “All I know is that you’re the only person who is acting desperate enough to call me at all hours of the night,” he said. “I need you to grow up. This happens all the time. Two people hang out for a while, one person grows out of the relationship and moves on. Stop making a federal case out of it.”
    He was speaking so loudly that everyone in the cafeteria could hear him. I was so mortified. I just kept blinking wildly, like someone had sprayed mace in my eyes.
    “It’s over, and if you keep stalking me, I’m going to report you to campus security.”
    Then he stomped away. The boy who had been doing tongue calisthenics with me less than a week ago STOMPED AWAY.
    At this point, I was nearly hyperventilating. I was breathing in and out so quickly, I thought I was about to have a heart attack, which is why I didn’t notice this girl sit down across from me.
    “You do know that he’s a dick,” she said.
    “Who?” I asked. I was in a complete daze.
    “Lyin’ Brian. Two years ago, when we were both freshmen, he pulled the same mess with me.”
    “You used to go out with Brian?”
    “Sorry to burst your bubble, snowflake,” she said. “You’re not in a club of one.”
    I looked down at my tray of fried chicken, smashed potatoes, and collard greens. For some reason, all of a sudden, I was really, really hungry. So I started eating. I noticed that on her tray, she had a Caesar salad, an apple, and a bottle of water. Besides the fact that she used to date Brian, the goody-goody food on her plate only added to my instant dislike of her.
    “So what do you want with me?” I asked.
    “I kind of owe you one,” the girl said. “I’m the one who’s been calling Brian’s house and hanging up.”
    SHE was the girl who was calling him and hanging up! Do you believe it? Do you believe me now when I say that my luck just goes from bad to worse?
    “What? You’ve got to tell him.” I had to get her to clear my name. Brian was never going to take me back if he thought I was stalking him.
    “He ruined my freshman year, and I know that hang-ups drive him crazy,” the girl said. “So I call him nonstop for a few weeks, then I lay off and start up again. It really messes with his head.” She burst into a big grin. I couldn’t help but notice that she had nice teeth, pearly white and the kind of straightness that not even braces can produce, but at this particular moment, they looked more like fangs.
    Will somebody PLEASE wake me from this nightmare? This nightmare where I am not only dumped by the love of my life, but I find myself having lunch with his psycho ex-girlfriend?
    Granted, she didn’t look like a psycho. She was this really glammed-up Latina girl who looked a lot more like the posters in Brian’s apartment than I did. But still.
    “I’m Consuela. We should be friends,” she said, putting her hand out for me to shake.
    I did not want to shake this crazy girl’s hand. Luckily, I had my greasy fried chicken fingers