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had been forgotten and left behind somewhere in her haste to grow up and get beyond the horrible summer of her seventeenth year.
    The loon dove under the surface, leaving the lake silent again. Caroline sat and pulled her knees into her chest, turning her head toward her neighbor’s house. She was surprised to see a light on in the small addition stuck onto the back of the house. It was probably that annoying man Drew Something-or-other. God. Just thinking his name made her skin crawl with irritation. She was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the humiliating toilet-paper incident, either. It was more to do with his being a bump on what she had thought would be an uncluttered road to recovery. She’d envisioned lying on the sofa or the dock for three months, keeping in touch with the office through her BlackBerry, and not having to do anything except tolerate her mother and catch up with Rainy.
    She thought of her BlackBerry at the bottom of the lake and swore under her breath just as the loon crashed through the surface and flew away, its late-night snack clutched in its beak. It made her miss the water again and the way it made her feel: strong, sleek. Beautiful.
    She stood and stared at the black water, her body itching to feel the cold wetness, her hands cupping on their own as if remembering moving water with deft strokes. I’ve been too long from the water.
    Turning her back, she faced her mother’s house again just in time to see the light go off in her neighbor’s house. Probably up late plotting the transformation of Rainy’s shop into a burger franchise. She felt her heart pound. Until now she’d forgotten about the FOR SALE sign in the shop’s window. She’d go see Rainy tomorrow and demand to know what that was all about. No way could she be allowed to sell it to that . . . tourist. Soon there would be nothing left to remember Jude’s presence. Only old memories held by people who were getting older every day.
    She felt weepy again. Damn! What is wrong with me? Plopping herself into the chaise longue on the back patio, she sucked in the night air one large lungful at a time. She lay back and closed her eyes, just to rest for a moment before going back to bed. But there was something about the night air, something about the smell of the lake that brought Jude back to her. She could almost feel him beside her in the canoe, paddling silently. Absently she moved her fingers over the old chest scar and fell asleep with her hand pressed against her heart, dreaming of slipping farther and farther out onto the dark lake with only the call of the loon to guide her.

    Caroline awoke to the smell of coffee, the loon’s cry still fresh in her mind. She sat up, disoriented for a moment, with a terrible stiffness in her neck where it had been pressed into an unnatural position against the back of the chaise. Her mother stood before her, completely dressed in a crisply ironed linen pantsuit and a freshly made-up face. She held a wooden breakfast tray with a plate of wheat toast, turkey bacon, and scrambled faux eggs, and a steaming cup of coffee. Tucked neatly under the china plate lay a snowy-white linen napkin. Caroline could be on her deathbed and her mother would still be trying to make her point about napkins. The woman never gave up.
    Caroline tried to sit up straighter and felt every bone in her body protest as she moved them out of cramped positions and allowed her mother to place the breakfast tray on her lap.
    “Honey, if your bed isn’t comfortable, I’ll give you mine. I don’t know how good the night air is on your health.”
    Caroline pasted what she hoped was a pleasant smile on her face. “Fresh air’s good for me.” She picked up the mug and took a sip of coffee. “Thanks for breakfast.”
    “You’re welcome. It’s all low-fat and low-calorie. I have some low-sugar jam for your toast if you’d like some.”
    Caroline looked down at the butterless toast and tried to be thankful. “No,