different. Her life had changed for the better. Phil was now her partner. Their daughter was nearly one. And it took something like the sight of the boy in the bed to remind her that while bringing a child into the world might not be the most stupid, selfish thing imaginable, it was one of the most terrifying.
The gloom of the room was getting to her. ‘Shall we step outside?’
10
T he antiseptic air in the corridor and the harsh overhead strip lighting felt warm and welcoming in contrast to the dismal darkness of the boy’s room. Judging from the way the other two women were unconsciously gulping in deep breaths, Marina reckoned they must have felt it too.
Marina had come straight away, as soon as Anni had hung up. No further appointments for a while, and the tone of Anni’s voice told her that this was not only urgent but important. More important than yet another assessment of whether some stroppy, self-deluded officer was fit to return to active duty.
Marina enjoyed working with Anni. She knew how hard it was to be a woman and have any success in the force, but to be a black woman in an area where there were hardly any took real determination. And Anni had plenty of that. But she was also bright enough not to let it show.
It was clear she was on Phil’s team. The denim jacket, cargo trousers and dyed blonde hair said that she had embraced the unorthodoxy and creativity he encouraged. From that had come confidence. But not arrogance. And that, Marina had discovered, was a rare trait in a police detective.
Phil’s team. When she thought about it, Marina reckoned she must be a part of that now. Especially as the police force was now her official employer.
Josephina, the daughter she and Phil Brennan shared, was approaching her first birthday. And, both of them being working professionals in fulfilling careers, they had agreed to share parenting duties equally. Feeding, cleaning, upbringing. They wouldn’t fall into outmoded patriarchal systems. They were a partnership; they would do things together.
It hadn’t lasted. Not because of any stubbornness or ideological need, but just because of circumstances. They had fallen into the pattern of most first-time parents. One working, one staying at home. Phil had kept working. He did his share but he still walked out the door in the morning, had something else in his life, could compartmentalise. Marina had tried, and found that she couldn’t. Work had been too demanding. So she had stayed at home with the baby. And she had begun to resent him for that.
So when the vacancy for an in-house criminal psychologist with the police force based in Colchester came up, she had jumped at the chance. She knew she could do this job. She had expected resistance or antagonism from Phil, put off telling him. She needn’t have worried. He was totally supportive, even gave her a reference. And when she was offered the job, he was the one who sorted out daily childcare for Josephina with his adoptive parents, Don and Eileen Brennan. They had been thrilled to have the baby with them.
So it was a winner all round. Marina and Phil kept both their careers and their relationship going, Don and Eileen felt involved and needed and Josephina got more than her share of attention. And evenings together felt, to Marina and to Phil too, she knew, even more special with just the three of them.
‘I’m a working mother with a career and a family,’ Marina had said to him, smiling. ‘I’m having it all, the Daily Mail ’s worst nightmare. Worth doing just for that.’
Phil had laughed, agreed. Marina smiled at the memory.
Things were going well. Too well. This had never happened to her before. Something had to come along and spoil it. Something always did.
‘You OK?’ Anni’s voice.
Marina turned, blinked, pulled out of her reverie. Back to the corridor. ‘Yeah, fine. Just thinking.’
Anni turned to the doctor. ‘I brought Marina in because she’s a