Read Phantom Limbs for Free Online Page A

forget.”
    I was so surprised I couldn’t think of anything to say.
    The light changed, and as I struggled to find the balance of clutch and accelerator, the car rolled backward. I cursed and sent the car shooting forward by letting up on the clutch too fast. Dara laughed.
    “Where am I even going?” I asked.
    She shrugged.
    So I just kept driving aimlessly, past the library and the fire station, down the stretch of McCormick with all the fast-food offerings, and then up Forestway, which ran along the nature preserve. “What did you say when Abby asked you?”
    “I said I was busy.” She shifted in her seat to face me. “Hey. Let’s just go to my house.”
    She reached out and laid a hand on my thigh, sliding it upward.
    “What are you doing?” I took my hand off the wheel long enough to remove her hand from my leg. Driving a stick was hard enough without having to fend off groping.
    “Let’s just do it. We’re both virgins. We could turn that around tonight.”
    I looked over at her, baffled. “Are you for real?”
    “I just want to know what it’s like! Come on — it won’t take long.”
    “Hey,” I said, mildly insulted. “What makes you think —?”
    “Once when we were playing the question game, you told me how long it takes you to —”
    “Okay, never mind!”
Ugh.
Now that Meg was in the picture, the wickedly private things Dara knew about me made me feel sort of sick. During that same round of our game, Dara had asked what I did with my other hand when I jerked off — sort of a cheap question, since it couldn’t be reciprocated. But I’d answered it. I wished I hadn’t. I wished I could turn back time and take all that private information back.
    “Look, even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t do it when you’re drunk.”
    “I’m not that drunk. Come on, we should just do this. Not to point out the obvious, but this”— she waved her stump at me — “is not exactly a dude magnet.”
    “Oh, please. It’s not your stump that keeps people away, Dara. It’s you. I mean, you’re cute and pretty and your ass is legendary, but, to be honest, you’re kind of a bitch!”
    “Yeah, but that’s not the reason. Do you really think anyone would go out with me with this?” She gestured toward the stump. “People can’t handle it.”
    “How would you know? You’ve never given anyone a chance.”
    “Well, here’s your chance.”
    “I don’t want a chance!”
    A small voice in my brain knocked, asking if I was out of my fucking mind, turning down sex. Wouldn’t it be good to have some clue what I was doing, for possible future situations? For an instant I imagined a skilled, confident version of myself bringing Meg to quaking heights of ecstasy with my staggering arsenal of lovemaking skills. But nothing — not my hormones, insecurities, or general cloudy judgment — could talk me into thinking sex with Dara was a good idea.
    “Anyway,” I said, glancing over at her, “if you’re going to do it, you should do it with someone who knows what he’s doing. I don’t exactly see a lot of action.”
    “Other than with yourself.” She had a way of teasing — part cute, part loaded gun — and I never knew where the balance was going to tip.
    “Other than with myself,” I conceded, “and even I don’t think I’m that great.”
    That wasn’t true. When I had the privacy, time, and ambition, I actually found myself to be quite excellent. But I didn’t want to talk to her about that stuff anymore. Suddenly it felt . . . inappropriate.
    I pulled over onto a side street, parking in front of a string of cookie-cutter McMansions with ridiculously manicured and lit-up lawns. I flicked the gear into neutral, then pulled up the parking brake. “What’s this all about, Dara? Really?”
    Instead of answering, she leaned over and grabbed me, pulling my face to hers in a hard kiss.
    “Stop it,” I said softly, pulling back.
    “Who’s gay now?” she said, enveloping me in a plume of