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straightened and secured the rogue towel around his waist. “I thought you wanted me.”
     
    “I…it wasn’t a case of not wanting you, Jake. I…I should go. My mother needs me.” Did he sound convincing? Or did Jake recognize it for the excuse it was? His lack of time had little to do with his mother, whom Louis was sure didn’t care if he was with her or not. No. This was more about getting away from Jake and more importantly the way Jake made him feel. How did Jake make him feel? Uncertain of himself for one. Nervous for another. He wished Jake didn’t have to be so damned pleasant about everything.
     
    “Okay, well, how about I stick around and fix you something for lunch?” Jake’s smile clicked back into place. Louis didn’t see how he could possibly object without coming across as a complete miserable bastard and making himself feel even worse than he did already in the process. But that was exactly what he had to do, wasn’t it?
     
    “Uh, I’m not sure when I’ll be back.” Louis moved toward the door, then looked down. He didn’t even have his shoes on.
     
    “Dinner, then? I can pop out and get us something from the deli. I’m free all day, so I can hang around.”
     
    Louis’s objection lodged in his throat, his tongue stiff and uncooperative.
     
    “Do you have the door code?” Jake continued, taking permission as read. “And a spare key? I need to get back in as well as out.”
     
    All he had to do was tell Jake he’d rather he leave. Even though it would mean sticking around and making sure he did, in fact, vacate the premises. The alternative was letting him stay. Jake didn’t seem the type to rob and run even if Louis had something worth stealing. He took comfort in the possibility of Jake losing interest and taking off before he returned.
     
    “Uh, the code’s written on a card on the wall by the front door, and the…the spare key is on the hook beside it.”
     
    “Great.” Jake grinned. “See you at lunch.”
     
    Louis half suspected he might jog over and give him a kiss on the cheek. Fortunately, he busied himself beneath the counter instead, tidying up the dropped eggs. Louis retraced his steps to the bedroom for his shoes. He thought about running a toothbrush over his teeth, but he needed to get away from Jake Harvey and what had happened between them last night and almost happened again this morning. Back in the lounge, he grabbed the cigarette pack off the coffee table and headed to the hall for his jacket. Carter waited beyond, leaning casually against the corridor wall. Louis ignored him, but still Carter’s voice chuckled in his ear.
     
    “If you asked, I’m sure he’d pack you a wholesome lunch in a nice little box.”
     
    “Shut the fuck up, Cart.” Louis took out a cigarette as he walked. The last one in the pack.

Chapter Four

     

     
     
    “And now? Now I’m running out of things to say. Could you open your eyes or squeeze my fingers? At least let me know you’re in there somewhere, listening. C’mon, Mom. For me? For your son. Please?”
     
    Louis tightened his grip on the breathing corpse’s thin gray hand. There was no sign of her wanting to fight the inevitable. The machines, the constant beeps and rhythmic clicks controlled the battle for her. If those machines were unplugged, she’d die, and perhaps for purely selfish reasons, Louis needed her to live. To wake up and listen. He needed her to listen to the words I forgive you and know she understood them. Equally, he wanted her forgiveness for choosing his father and New York rather than the single-parent alcoholic he’d spent much of his life learning to loathe.
     
    Until that day came, Louis babbled. About anything and everything. The doctors told him there was every chance she sensed presence. He hoped so. The trouble was, he was fast running out of things to say.
     
    “I met someone yesterday.” He wasn’t sure telling her about his latest one-night stand was one of his