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over and over to be as dysfunctional as any
other type of family-if not more so. Today, plenty of children are
raised by so-called nontraditional families consisting of one mother,
two mothers, one father, two fathers, two divorced parents, one or
more stepparents, a grandparent, or some combination thereof. The
important thing is for children to have stability and for parents to be
honest with them about their relationships.

     

Chapter 3

Is an Open Relationship
for You?
    FROM SEXUAL VARIETY AND FANTASY to personal growth and
fulfillment, there are many different reasons why people choose nonmonogamy Before I outline some of the popular motivations, I'll caution
you against some potentially problematic ones. If you are considering
expanding your monogamous relationship to a nonmonogamous one,
don't do so out of discontent or dissatisfaction with your current relationship, believing that bringing other people into the mix will fix it.
This is a surefire path to disaster-opening up the relationship will
only highlight its problems. Don't attempt an open relationship
because you think its the cool, hip thing to do or because everyone
around you is in one. Also, you should not feel pressured or coerced
by your partner to explore nonmonogamy You both must be on the
same page if is going to have a chance of working.
Self-evaluation
    If you are considering an open relationship, first evaluate yourself thoroughly and honestly to determine whether venturing beyond monogamy is right for you. Here are some questions for you to contemplate, write
about in a journal, or talk about with a friend, partner, or therapist:

    What are your beliefs about monogamy?
    • If you've been in monogamous relationships before, how did
you feel in those relationships, and how did they work or not
work for you?
    • Do you believe that someone can love/be in love with more
than one person at a time?
    • What role does sex play in your relationships? How important
is it to you? What does it mean to you?
    • Can you have sex without an emotional attachment? How are
sex and love related or not related?
    • Have you ever had a "fuck buddy" or "friend with benefits"?
What worked and didn't work about the relationship?
    If you are currently in a relationship:
    • What is the state of the relationship? Does it feel stable and
secure?
    • What are your most common conflicts with your partner?
    • Do both partners want to explore a different structure?
    • Do you have sexual needs, desires, and fantasies that aren't
being fulfilled?
    Imagine your partner having sex with another person. It's important to
be brutally honest, not censor yourself, and really let yourself feel what
that would be like.
    • What feelings does that bring up?
    • What would be your worst fear?
    • What would the best-case scenario for this situation look like?
    • What would be an absolute deal breaker?

    Imagine your partner having a relationship with another person. It's
important to be brutally honest, not censor yourself, and really let yourself
feel what that would be like.
    • What feelings does that bring up?
    • What would be your worst fear?
    • What would the best-case scenario for this situation look like?
    • What would be an absolute deal breaker?
    How do you handle feelings?
    • Do you consider yourself a jealous person? How do you deal
with intense feelings like anger, jealousy, and resentment?
    • Are you able to determine what your boundaries are and communicate them to others?
    • When something is bothering you, do you more often keep it
to yourself or share it?
    • Do you have the ability to communicate openly and honestly,
even about difficult issues?
    • When conflict arises, how do you usually handle it?
    How available are you?
    • Do you have the time to nurture and grow more than one love
relationship?
    • Do you have the energy to devote to several different people
and juggle multiple lovers?
    • Do you