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distance to him, he made me smile with his random comments during the lab experiments.
    Still…I did everything in my power to steer clear of him, trying not to make eye-contact or small talk but even that was inevitable.
    “Who is that?”
    I lifted my head from my doodle to look at Elaine, my other best friend but since her schedule was different I couldn’t spend enough time with her, “What?” I asked, remembering her question as she sat on the bench beside me.
    “This guy, always looking at you whenever I see him,” she nodded her head toward the opposite table.
    I followed her gaze and my eyes locked with Ashton’s.
    I didn’t know why, but at that second, I felt something pass between us…something deep. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him, I couldn’t even breathe. There was intensity in his eyes, pulling me deeper into his brown orbs.
    I watched, mesmerized, as he stood up, coming toward my table with purpose.
    “Hey,” he said with an easy smile.
    “Hi.” My voice was breathy.
    He stood there, totally at ease, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a textbook as my heart picked up the rhythm.
    Taking a slow breath I straightened my back before asking, “Do you need anything?”
    I held my breath as he pulled out his hand from his pocket, rubbing his neck with a troubled look on his face.
    “I…was there anything we were supposed to bring with us to the lab today?” he asked as I watched his Adam’s apple move sinfully.
    Swallowing the nerves I shook my head, “No, I don’t remember anything special. Just a normal lab day.”
    “Yeah, sure…see you later, then. Thanks,” he murmured and winked before turning to leave.
    He winked at me!
    Holy…shit!
     
     
     

 
    I wish I could tell you that after all these little interactions, he made me believe in love and I lived happily ever after…but no. That didn’t happen because this was real life and those things didn’t happen except in books.
    In our group of ten people, I talked to him only when I had to. He seemed like he didn’t even notice me, either. Our communication was professional, just the way it should be.
    I should have been happy for it. As I was walking around like a grenade, ready to explode any second, it would be selfish to want to bring another person into this mess. But I was human and for the first time in my life I wanted to have a boyfriend, to be loved by someone other than my family.
    I tried to forget him, even though I saw him every day.
    I tried to ignore the pain in my heart as well as the pain in my whole body, mostly on my knee.
    I added this shit into my already fucked-up life and I was angry at myself.
    And like this wasn’t enough…I was getting worse. The pain in my knee was getting stronger each day and I had no idea how much more I could stand.
    One night, I couldn’t stand it any longer.
     

 
    My hands turned into fists again as I tried to not scream. My nails left red strains on my palms, but nothing distracted me from the pain this time.
    I pulled my legs to myself as much as I could and tried to get smaller on my bed, like as if I got smaller the pain would become bearable. But it only got worse and I couldn’t stand it any longer, my consciousness was getting blurry. With the last effort I screamed, “Mom!”
    My parents came into my room in full panic, but I didn’t have any strength to calm them. Mom was already crying and my dad was trying to put me into my wheelchair, but he was struggling to do it with his shaking hands.
    I must have lost consciousness because when I opened my eyes I was already at the hospital. The pain was tolerable now, courtesy to the painkiller that was still filling my body through the needle in the back of my hand.
    The moment I noticed I was alone in the room, the door opened and my parents came in. My mom looked defeated, her eyes were swollen and red. I hurt for her, but there was nothing I could do.
    “April? Do you need anything?” my dad asked with