her warm, melodic voice, âdo you have a question, sweetie?â
âItâs not fair that, just because itâs made of something different, it doesnât get to be a planet. Is it?â In her voice, I hear the accusation: Little creep .
âThis isnât unprecedented,â I say, glancing at Ms. Pickett. Trust me, my eyes say, I didnât want to follow this path, I wanted to keep things just as they were, but ⦠âThe asteroid Ceres was once counted as a planet until other asteroids were discovered, and its true nature could be understood.â
âWe studied Pluto just this week, and the books all said Iâm confused ⦠are astronomers certain about it, or are they still deciding?â Ms. Pickett asks. âAnna raises an interesting point, I think.â
Believe me. Iâm just the man to resolve the impossible. But how? âA consensus has yet to emerge on the scientific definition of âplanet.ââ
âBut now it doesnât mean anything,â Anna says. Her face is deeply flushed, even in the dark. The death of an absolute. Hard to bear. Her freckles glow like embers in the fake green moonlight. â My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us-what? Nothing. She served us nothing!â
I look at Zero, thinking this might perk him up. He shivers, removes his cap, loses his grip on it.
âThe Kuiper belt is a swarm of iceââ I say.
âIt just isnât fair!â
âThousands of slushy masses, far from the heatââ
âNo fair no fair no fair!â the kids all start to chant.
Ms. Pickett frowns, as if Iâve knocked the heavens out of whack.
Annaâs foot brushes Zeroâs cap. She picks it up. He tugs it from her fingers. His eyes are wide. Now he rises. He covers his ears with his palms, turns to the group and announces, over the shouting, âMan presents himself as a being who causes Nothingness to arise in the world, inasmuch as he himself is affected with nonbeing.â
Anna cringes. Ms. Pickett stands. The children get quiet.
Iâm sorry I lent him, last week, my copy of The Existential Moment . But heâd said he couldnât sleep, and at the time it was the closest book at hand.
âMan is the being through whom Nothingness comes to the world. Thank you and good night.â
âYouâre drunk, sir!â Ms. Pickett says.
He spins to face her and nearly stumbles into Annaâs lap. Anna screams.
âGet away from her!â Ms. Pickett shouts.
He falters again. Five or six kids dash from the second row.
âPeople! People! Quickly! Come with me!â Ms. Pickett motions them toward the portal, as though the building were about to collapse. A scraping of notebooks, the roar of seats snapping up, milk-smell wafting through the not-alleys of Dallas. The kidsâ sudden motion jostles my balloon; it careens toward Reunion Tower. Mayday! Mayday! My lungs constrict. The Murrah stone zips back and forth on its string. Zero stands still, chin on chest; itâs likely his brain chemicals have slipped off the charts. Iâve never seen him this bad. (What wastelands is he envisioning?) Iâll have to take him outside, sit with him until he calms down. At least twice a month, we perform a milder version of this little dance and Iâm always surprised at how quickly he circles back toâwhat? Normalcy? Steadiness?
âPlease,â I say, wheezing, but itâs too late. Ms. Pickett wonât look at me. âItâs not the end of the world.â
Oh, but it is. It is. The world is ending every minute. Just ask Z. Ask my former lover. The night she left, she held me and said sadly, âYou canât save them, you know? Your comets? Your damaged friends? Adam, you canât undo things.â
Ask Marty. âIt wasnât true,â he told me, the last time I saw him, in OK City. He held our fatherâs Mobil Oil cap, recovered at the Murrah