Read On a Scale from Idiot to Complete Jerk for Free Online Page B

case study details (again, from memory, which might be seen by some people as impressive) an episode from our final game of the season. Our record to this point was 0-12. This was our big chance, and we were desperate to end the season with a win in front of our own few loyal and long-suffering fans.
    Observations: We’re playing the second-worst team in the league, and the game is tied 46-46. There are eight seconds on the clock, and everyone is very tense as we come out of a time-out—everyone including Mrs. Malinowski, who has been growling and yelling at the ref the whole game and annoying and embarrassing everyone around her so that she is sitting alone in a little empty clearing on the bleachers. The other, normal parents end up sitting in another area of the gym in order to lower their blood pressure and watch the game in peace. So our team inbounds the ball, a guy on the other team tries to steal it, and things explode.
    MRS. MALINOWSKI ( screaming ). FOUL!!! YOU COMPLETE MORON! ARE YOU ACTUALLY A REFEREE ? WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING TO CALL SOMETHING?
    REF ( quietly , looking grim and obviously at the end of his patience ) . Coach, control your fans.
    ( Coach looks uneasily at the bleachers and wipes a hand across his face. He too has been rattled by Mrs. Malinowski’s game-long screaming. He clears his throat .)
    COACH . Okay, everyone calm down.
    ( As though all the fans are part of the problem. This is a classic, nonconfrontational way of dealing with jerks. )
    MRS. MALINOWSKI ( quieter ). I’ll calm down when this joker learns how to use his whistle…
    ( The other team gets to inbound the ball now, with six seconds left. As they approach our basket, Stuart Malinowski, who’s tall but hopeless, sort of swipes at the ball, gets his giraffe legs all tangled and crumples. )
    MRS. MALINOWSKI ( on her feet ). OFFENSIVE FOUL! OFFENSIVE FOUL! DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SEE BLOOD BEFORE YOU’LL BLOW THAT WHISTLE??
    REF ( turning immediately to our coach ). Technical foul, blue team. And that fan is out of the gym. Now.
    Yes, we get a foul as a team because one player’s parent is a jerk. How fair is that? Their team gets their best shooter to take the foul shot, and despite Mrs. Malinowski yelling “MISS, MISS, MISS!” over her shoulder as another parent pulls her out of the gym, he makes the shot. We lose the game. Thanks a bunch, Mrs. Malinowski.
    Conclusions: Obviously, fans can be jerks who ruin the fun of a game and can even lose a game for you.
    Poor Stuart stammered out an apology to the whole team, but nobody blamed him. He couldn’t do anything about his mom. He was a good guy. He couldn’t help it that his mom was a complete jerk. And you can’t judge a kid by his jerk parents. (See Chapter 6.)
    D) Referees As the last case study
    As the last case study demonstrates, being a referee is not always an enjoyable job. In fact, I don’t know why anybody becomes a ref. Everybody complains about the ref and how the game was reffed. The losing team blames its lousy game on the refs. You get screamed at by people like Mrs. Malinowski. It just seems like a ton of stress, even though, unlike coaches, refs get paid.

    Most refs seem to deal quite well with being disliked and treated with suspicion. These are the refs who try to call games fairly, according to the rules, and who manage to keep a cone of ref dignity around them. A player comes at you to complain? The good refs look away and put up their hand, like “talk to my hand, you whiner.” A coach screams at you from the bench? Dignified ref calmly makes a hand signal to throw him out of the game. Refs are big on the hand signals. So instead of roaring, “Hey! Jerk coach! Shut up! You’ve been screaming all game long and I’ve had it!” the ref just calmly makes a T sign, one hand on top of the other. Problem solved. Calmness, fairness, consistency and cool, secret hand signals. That’s