Odd Stuff

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Book: Read Odd Stuff for Free Online
Authors: Virginia Nelson
Tags: dpgroup.org, Fluffer Nutter
chatting it up—and I was having deep thoughts about witches—two men came to stand behind us. Not terribly surprising, since we were sitting at the bar, which is why I ignored them.  
    They weren’t ignoring us, though. Another stripper came to stand behind the men. They all looked at me like I wore something far more seductive than anything you could buy at Victoria’s Secret. They looked at me as if I was Victoria’s Secret.  
    Even the woman.
    “Hey, guys. What’s up?” Julia showed a bit of leg. Okay, a lot of leg. I already described her outfit. It didn’t leave a lot to the imagination. The tall skinny man closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. 
    They paid no attention to Julia. A bad feeling blossomed in my stomach.
    So, I took another gulp of beer. It didn’t solve anything, but it put solvent right where the funny feeling was. Vance stalked down the hall with a blond, curvaceous Marilyn Monroe look-alike. Not like a Marilyn Monroe wannabe, like the real deal. Beginning to fume, I could almost feel my face flush in anger. O f course he wanted to leave me in the car ! Why hang with the frumpy almost forty year old when you can use her for a ride to get to freakin’ Marilyn Monroe?  
    A voice that sounded eerily like Vance’s spoke in my head. The fact that I was hearing voices in my head so disturbed me that for a moment, I didn’t listen to what he was saying. Wow, I really am nuts. I am hearing voices.  
    Then processed what he said. Put the damned beer down and leave, now.  
    Huh? I just paid four bucks for this beer!
    Apparently, the conversation went two ways because his answer was in my head before I had completed the thought. Walk out now, because I don’t know if I am up to beating up three vampires just to save your Type O.  
    My typo? I’m not writing . 
    Type O Positive. They are going to bite you.
    Oh.
    Not cool.
    The one woman was licking her lips in a very disconcerting manner.
    Julia tugged at my arm. “What are you wearing?”
    “A Pitt State sweatshirt.” I thought that was reasonably obvious.
    “Scent! They are very driven by scent.”
    “Oh, deodorant. Maybe some left over body spray. Some vampire blood from stabbing Vance.”
    “Oh, shit!” Julia took my Corona away. Suddenly everyone sure was damned interested in my beer.
    “What are you—” 
    “Run. I’ll try to distract them.” She smashed my beer bottle on the bar. 
    “Hey! I paid four bucks for that!”
    She reached in her panties and pulled out a twenty and stuffed it in my hand.
    Eww, crotch money. I stuffed it in my pocket anyway.  
    Vance had nearly made it across the room, but a stripper stopped him in mid-stride… He climbed onto the stage to evade the stripper as the patrons boo-ed him. Run! he yelled in my head. 
    “Run!” yelled Julia, cutting her arm with the broken bottle.
    “Oh, you are going to need to put something on that—” 
    Just then, one of the men dove at me. “Yipe!” I decided maybe it was time I got out and ducked under his arm. I dove for the door and ended up ducking and sliding on my knees to avoid a pool cue. Thank you, softball coach of long ago. Things crashed behind me, but I didn’t look back because something grabbed at my hair. The bouncer towered in front of me, legs braced and arms crossed. I could hear him say, “What the—” 
    I yanked away from the man who had my hair and lost a little hair in the process. The rest of my hair fell down in my face and everyone in the bar froze. I pushed enough of the dark blonde mass out of my face to see what was going on. I need a hair cut. Okay, I knew my hair didn’t look good. I mean, it had partially rinsed out vampire blood in it. What do you expect? But the reaction of the club seemed disproportionate to this. 
    Turns out a lot of vampires were there, like more than half the club worth. And all of their heads swiveled toward me. I guess when my hair fell down the smell of rotten vampire was stronger. Which kind

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