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time was a truly traumatic experience. In fact, after just three minutes, I ejected it from the player and felt as if I was going to be sick – not because of the children featured but because of the severity of their condition. Some were rocking, others swaying from side to side. No disrespect to the children, but I couldn’t help thinking that, if this was all Angelo had to look forward to, well, that would be pretty hard to bear.
    It got to the stage where I couldn’t even keep the video in the house – I preferred to lock it away in the boot of my car. Meanwhile, Sean didn’t want to read any of the information leaflets we had received. He simply buried his head in the sand and it seemed he was unable to accept that a child of his could have such a condition, which made me feel very alone in trying to come to terms with our situation.
    Sometimes, even now when I’m at home with three other people, I can feel so lonely. Everyone seems to be doing their own thing. Patrick could be talking to himself upstairs in his room; Angelo, bless him, is in his own world, maybe playing on his trampoline in the garden; while Sean might be studying or using his computer. He has a Masters in IT, which means he spends a great deal of time fiddling around on the computer at home. For that reason I’ve always hated computers – to my mind, they are like ‘the other woman’ in Sean’s life.
    Because I wasn’t computer-literate at the time, I didn’t have access to the internet, although I had been able to find out a certain amount through my work with Health Call, a doctors’ answering service. The deeper I dug, the more I found out, but sometimes that just added to the confusion. There were so many different therapies, most of which claimed to help but were very expensive, and we had no idea which way to turn for the best. At least, I thought, Angelo has a bigger brother to help look after him when he grows up a bit more. Even at this time I had convinced myself that Patrick would eventually grow out of his own problems.
    I knew Angelo was still the same Angelo we knew and loved, but I found myself observing his strange behaviour more and more. In fact, I frequently spent ages just staring at him. He would often just spin himself around and around, and was, seemingly, a happy boy, although his moods were interspersed with tantrums. Patrick had tried to interact with him in his own way, blowing bubbles for him and playing on the seesaw, even reciting nursery rhymes coupled with clapping at the end of each rhyme.
    The National Autistic Society’s literature had highlighted the traits of people with autism such as ritualistic, repetitive behaviour and poor communication skills, and that, as very young children, sufferers don’t tend to point to something they want but will lead you to it, and this was particularly apparent with Angelo.
    Ros Blackburn is a prime example of how autism can be discovered by accident. Some years ago, Ros’s parents thought she was deaf because she didn’t speak and didn’t seem to hear. Even their doctor confirmed she was deaf, then, as he went to write down his diagnosis, he made an error and crumpled up the paper, the noise of which Ros obviously heard.
    Ros is now a very high-functioning young lady who goes around giving talks about her condition. She finds it difficult to read and is unable to make her own bed, but, if you speak to her, you would probably not realise she has a problem.
    Ros is very articulate, although she still doesn’t like people to come too close to her. In fact, a movie called Snow Cake (2006) stars Sigourney Weaver as a character based on Ros. Weaver spent some time with Ros as she prepared for her role in the film and I think she played the part really well. Ros was one of the first people with autism that I heard speaking at a meeting later on our voyage of discovery – and seeing and hearing her gave me real hope for the future.
    Patrick had quite stilted speech,