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that,’ said Melanie. ‘I think you’d better stay in denial. I don’t think you’ve got the skills to come up with a more sophisticated emotional response.’
    â€˜Huh?’ said Friday. Malaise really was turning her into a dullard.
    When they got to the Headmaster’s office the door was closed so the girls slumped on the bench outside. Friday shut her eyes. She felt so weary. But she seemed to have lost the knack of falling asleep. She’d have to ask Melanie for a tutorial. She was an expert at instant slumber.
    The Headmaster’s door swung wide. Friday’s eyes snapped open and she instinctively sat up so as not to be caught slouching.
    But it wasn’t the Headmaster who stepped out. It was a large man with wavy, greying brown hair, wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt that read ‘Learning is cool!’ He noticed Friday and Melanie sitting on the bench and grinned at them. There was something a little too wide-eyed and manic about his grin.
    â€˜Hello girls. You can call me VP Pete,’ said the man. ‘I hope you haven’t been sent to the Headmaster because you’ve been up to mischief.’
    Friday stared into the man’s eyes, then looked down at the sandals on his feet, before systematically inspecting him from the ground, back up to the top of his head.
    â€˜You must be the new vice principal,’ said Friday.
    He flinched ever so slightly.
    â€˜He doesn’t look like a vice principal,’ said Melanie.
    â€˜On the contrary,’ said Friday. ‘He’s not wearing a visitor’s badge, so he must be a member of staff. He can’t be a regular teacher because he seems too happy and jovial. Teachers usually exude a sense of oppression. And he has the chipper disposition of a man in a position to bully others. Everything about him speaks of lower middle management.’
    â€˜But the tie-dyed t-shirt?’ said Melanie.
    â€˜I imagine the Headmaster did not have a lot of choice,’ said Friday. ‘Vice principals aren’t usually available at a moment’s notice. He would have been forced to hire someone with progressive educational theories.’
    VP Pete laughed. ‘Traditional educational theories haven’t been working well for this school, have they? I’m going to introduce some new, exciting teaching techniques and rebuild Highcrest Academy to make it a safe and supportive environment.’
    â€˜He’s going to knock the buildings down and rebuild them?’ asked Melanie.
    â€˜I suspect he will start out rebuilding in the figurative sense,’ said Friday. ‘Before he actually gets into bricklaying.’
    â€˜I’m going to rebuild your minds,’ said VP Pete. ‘Education these days needs to be about emotional intelligence, linear thinking and resilience.’
    â€˜Good luck with that,’ said Friday. ‘I hope you find your own personal transition from unemployment to school administration to be a smooth one.’
    â€˜I beg your pardon?’ said VP Pete, his warm smile growing slightly chillier.
    â€˜You’ve clearly been unemployed for some time,’ said Friday. ‘You have no muscle tone in your lower back and legs, which is symptomatic of a man who watches television for ten to twelve hours per day. You are extremely pale, which is consistent with never leaving the house, although you are marginally less pale on the left side of your face, suggesting that your living room has a window to the right of the television. This also explains why you haven’t entirely succumbed to rickets, as you have been getting some sunlight on your skin. And the skin on your feet is a strange blue colour. You clearly have terrible circulation. No classroom teacher has that problem, because they spend so much time standing on their feet. Also, you’re above the healthy weight range for a man of your height and, statistically, unemployed people are prone to eating