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you. Perhaps now’s not the best time.” I could hear excitement in his voice. I just couldn’t imagine what he was going to tell me. An article he’d written for Psychology Today had been accepted? He’d inherited a fortune from a distant relative of his dad?
    “No, tell me now,” I said. “No one’s here yet.”
    “Not even Hughie?”
    “No, he’s late again.”
    “Well. Chrissie’s pregnant.”
    I could not believe my ears.
    “What!” I said, like an idiot. “What!”
    Then a huge feeling started to creep over me. Those words were like the splitting open of a dark rock. It was as if all my life the sky had been covered with thick, dark clouds and suddenly they’d parted to let a huge, dazzling shaft of hot sun pour through. I felt as if I had been drenched in happiness—no—more than that, as if I was being totally immersed and marinated in joy. It was a completely unfamiliar feeling. The carpet had been pulled from under my feet and had sent me cascading into a golden cavern, as if all the happiness that I had found it so difficult to garner throughout my whole life, had been waiting behind a door, which had suddenly opened, letting it burst out all at once.
    “But don’t tell anyone,” he said, unaware of the transformation that was going on the other end of the phone, “because we have to keep quiet about it for three months till it’s OK. But we had to tell you. What do you think?”
    Perhaps my silence had rather unnerved him. “I think…darling…I can’t speak,” I said, tears springing to my eyes. “I think it’s just…just wonderful. Oh, how wonderful! ”
    Just then, through the shutters, I saw the security light go on, and heard the bang of the gate. Someone was staring at the door outside, wondering whether to knock or ring. What a moment to have a party.
    “Let’s talk later, darling,” I said. I stumbled, barely conscious with elation, toward the door and opened it to greet Hughie, who’d arrived with Lucy and her family. She was wearing a little black hat, with a sparkling pin in it, and a sparkling skirt. She looked very nervous and very happy as she came into the room. “Oh, Marie, how lovely!” she exclaimed. “What can we do? Doesn’t everything look charming !”
    I just grinned back like someone on drugs.
    Of course the party went beautifully, but I just couldn’t concentrate on anything anyone said. The problem was, I wanted to tell everyone, particularly Lucy, so sympathetic and herself already a grandmother. But I knew I could say nothing. I felt as if I were stoned. It was like the first time I ever smoked dope. My head seemed swollen with an indescribably intense feeling of—what? Intensity, is the only useless answer I can give. My whole body felt encased in cotton wool, and warmth. By the end of the party I thought I was going to burst.
    Everyone had gone, and Hughie had stayed behind to help me fix some electrical fault, which had blacked the party out, luckily, at the very end. Realizing there was nothing we could do, we decided to leave it and he drove me to the restaurant where we were having supper with Marion and Tim.
    “Well, that went well,” said Hughie. His car is all old and glamorous and leathery (he is pretty old and glamorous, too, actually, but not at all leathery), and I sank back in blissful silence. Finally I could hold myself back no longer.
    “Hughie, I have a secret but I can’t tell anyone and it’s killing me. Will you promise not to repeat it to anyone, not even James?”
    He promised, with a twinkle in his eye.
    “Jack and Chrissie are pregnant!” I said.
    “How marvelous!” he replied. “Congratulations! So you’ll be a grannie!”
    “Grannie Sharp,” I said, trying the words out for the first time. “I think it’s what I’ve been hoping for all my life. It’s what I’ve always wanted to be when I grew up. Oh, I’m so happy!”
    December 14th
    Christmas is coming. Always a dodgy time for us singles. Chrissie