Read Nightside 10 - The Good the Bad and the Uncanny for Free Online Page A

cheerfully.
    Perhaps fortunately, we were interrupted at that point by the approaching roar of a powerful engine. We both looked round and stepped back a little as the Fatemobile surged out of the traffic and slammed to a halt right in front of us. On every side, hardened sinners on their way to infamous dens of iniquity stopped, to get a better look at the Fatemobile. A good twelve feet long and almost as wide, Ms. Fate’s crime-fighting motor car was a magnificent machine, with low, powerful lines in a retro sixties style, complete with tall rear fins, a prominent afterburner, and acres and acres of gleaming chrome. It was a shocking fluorescent pink from bonnet to bumper, and had big fluffy wheels. In fact, it wasn’t so much pink as PINK! And instead of the usual silver winged victory figure on the front radiator, the Fatemobile boasted a silver wee-winged faerie in a basque and suspenders.
    Ms. Fate might have heard of taste, but only as something other people had. Boring people.
    “I like it!” said Lord Screech.
    “You would,” I said.
    The heavy driver’s door swung open with a puff of compressed air, and Ms. Fate emerged from her car via a single elegant movement I couldn’t have copied without throwing my whole back out. Tall and leanly muscular, Ms. Fate wore a black leather super-heroine outfit, cut tightly to show off her long legs and false bosoms. Heavy boots and gauntlets, and a proud horned cowl. Her green eyes shone brightly through polarised eye-slits, and her mouth was a brilliant red. Her utility belt was a bright yellow, presumably so she could find it in the dark. She crashed to a halt before me and struck a pose that was only slightly self-mocking.
    “And here I am, to save the day! Ms. Fate, at your service, rogues, villains, and creatures of the night a speciality. Ask me about my special rates for criminal conspiracies. How are you, John?”
    “All the better for seeing you,” I said. “Where’s your cape? I always think you look so more authentic with your cape.”
    “In the back seat. I have to take it off when I’m driving; I find it restricts my movements too much.”
    Ms. Fate is the real deal. A genuine old-school super-heroine who just happens to be played by a man.
    “We really do need to get a move on,” I said. “Walker’s people are already on their way here. So fire up the Pink Pan ther mobile, stomp on the pedal, and it’s everything forward and trust in the Lord all the way to the Osterman Gate. Stop for nothing and no-one, and I hope all your car’s armaments are loaded for bear because we’re going to need them.”
    “You know how to sweet-talk a girl,” said Ms. Fate. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your elven friend?”
    “This is Lord Screech,” I said. “Only he probably isn’t. Think of him less as my client and more as cargo to be transported. I’d lock him in the boot if I could trust him out of my sight that long.”
    “Well,” said Ms. Fate, smiling challengingly at Screech. “An elf. How ... exotic.”
    The elf lord gave her a formal bow, with all the trimmings. “Delighted to meet you. You’re a man.”
    “Not when I’m on duty,” said Ms. Fate. “Is my secret identity going to be a problem?”
    “Not at all,” said Screech, smiling easily. “Like all my kind, I delight in all forms of deceit and disguise, and glory in the joys of transformation. We’ve never understood this human preoccupation with normality. Where’s the fun in that?”
    “Definitely time to be going,” I said. “When an elf starts making sense...”
    Ms. Fate laughed and snapped her fingers at the Fatemobile. All the doors swung open. Ms. Fate headed for the driving seat. I looked at Screech.
    “You want to do rock, scissors, paper to see who rides shotgun?”
    “Only people I trust get to sit beside me in the Fatemobile,” said Ms. Fate.
    “I’ll get in the back seat,” said Screech.
    “Mind my cloak,” said Ms. Fate.
    I settled into the