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purpose!”
    “Well… um… I can explain… just give me a minute to think.”
    “Why is your sticker two months out of date?”
    “Well, I know it needs to be inspected, but I, uh, can’t get it inspected just now,” I said quietly.
    “Why can’t you? It only takes ten minutes.”
    “I kindadon’thaveinsurancerightthisminute.”
    “Excuse me?”
    I began to fidget from one foot to the other. “Well, you see, I had a few bill problems and it lapsed and then I didn’t have the money to get it started again and one thing led to another and well, here we are.”
    “You’ve been driving your car without insurance?”
    “Ummm… well…”
    “It’s a yes or no question, Shannon.”
    “Well, if you put it that way… yes.” I cringed as I awaited the explosion.
    To my shock and amazement, he simply asked for my car keys. I gave them to him and he told me to go inside while he re-parked my car. It seems I also took a little chip out of the base of the tree in my enthusiasm to use it for a shield.
    As I set the table, I chewed worriedly on my lip. This was not good. He hadn’t said a word other than to ask for my keys and send me inside. This was bad. This was really, really bad.
    I jumped at the sound of the backdoor.
    “Are you ready for dinner, honey?”
    “I’m ready for you to tell me why, as well as not having insurance and having an out of date inspection sticker, your oil is fifteen thousand miles overdue for a change?”
    “Oh, that.”
    “Yes, that.”
    “Well, that’s easy, really.”
    Landon snorted in disbelief and sank into a kitchen chair. “I’m all ears.”
    “Well, you see, if I’d had my oil changed, they would have asked to inspect the car. All those places do that now, you know. And, well, I couldn’t have my car inspected because I don’t have insurance. It’s all a vicious cycle.”
    “I’m about to show you a vicious cycle.”
    “Now Landon, don’t say or do anything you’ll regret,” I said, backing away as he stood and rolled his sleeves up.
    “Trust me, you’ll do all the regretting.”
    “I… I… well, um… maybe we should talk about this some more.”
    “I don’t think there is anything to say. You know what the problem is and you know it should never have occurred. Come here.”
    “But…”
    “Come here, Shannon.”
    Tears filled my eyes as I walked to stand beside Landon. He took my hand and sat back down on the kitchen chair before pulling me across his lap. My pants and panties were at my knees before I could even blink and his hand was clapping off my backside. No gentle buildup; he went straight for maximum impact.
    I screamed and hollered from the moment he began, kicking my feet as he lit a fire in my hind end that I wouldn’t soon forget.
    “I’m sorrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”
    “When you got the first notice on your insurance, what should you have done?” The question was punctuated by the application of something that left a sting like a bumblebee in its wake.
    Where the hell had the spoon come from?
    “ Ooooowwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeee! I should… have told youuuuuuuuuuuu!”
    “Exactly. Then your insurance never would have lapsed, the car would be inspected, and the oil issue never would have come up.”
    The spoon bouncing rhythmically off my backside must have done something to my brain as well because that is the only explanation for the idiocy of my next words.
    “Actually the oil was overdue before my insurance lapsed.”
    I’d only thought the spoon was landing hard before!
    “ Ooooooooooooowwwwwwww-weeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Ooooowwwwwweeeeeeeeeee! ”
    “How often is the oil in your car supposed to be changed?”
    “Every three thousand miles!! I swear from now on I’ll get it changed every two!”
    “I’ll settle for every three,” Landon said as he stood me in front of him.
    “Yes, sir.” I stood sniffling and vainly trying to rub the sting from my bottom.
    “Do you know how much trouble you would have been in if you’d