Read My Forever for Free Online Page B

realization to have after spending most of the school year with them.
     
    ~ ~ ~
     
    “So, how are we d oing?” Michael asks as we walk down the hallway together. I like being this close to him. He talks quietly but not in a way that would draw an y attention.
     
    Just like before, the weight of his question makes it hard to think.
     
    “ Dunno .” Why do I feel like crying at that one stupid question?
     
    “How you feeling?” He touches his chest briefly to indicate our conversation.
     
    “Confused.” A mess is what I should say , but confused sounds better.
     
    “Well, that’s better than nothing.” He smiles at me as he turns into his class.
     
    I’m not so sure.
     
    ~ ~ ~
     
    This feels like something I should be doing with someone else. Like no one should have to sit in a doctor’s waiting room alone. The ticks of the clock start to hurt my brain, but thinking more deeply than that will hurt in places I’d rather ignore. A girl can only cry so many times before it starts to drive her insane.
     
    This is another one of those surreal moments—l ike at any second I’ll wake up in my bed, in the room I share with Hannah , and realize all of this is some crazy dream.
     
    “Dani?” A nurse in scrubs with pink and blue jungle animals is standing at an open doorway.
     
    Okay, Dani. Last chance to wake up. Now .
     
    Crap.
     
    I stand and follow her through the door.
     
    They poke and prod and try to make the whole process less embarrassing by telling me what they’re going to do before they do it. Telling me you’re going to touch me in private places before touching me in private places actually doesn’t help anything but my sudden desire to have a panic attack.
     
    When I finally get to leave, my head is too full of information and my body feels… I d on’t know… exposed or something. Maybe just thinking of something that’s a step worse than what I’m doing will help me feel better about this mess. Or, I’ll run out of worse situations, and that would really be depressing.
     
    I guess I should just focus on the fact that it wasn’t as horrible as I imagined and go from there.
     
    ~ ~ ~
     
    “How did it go?” Mrs. Davies, the nurse, asks as I walk back into her office. She set up an alibi for me this morning.
     
    I shrug.
     
    “That’s it?”
     
    “Well, it wasn’t on my list of high points.” What else am I supposed to say? “But it could have been worse.” True.
     
    She nods. “Dani, I don’t want to put added pressure on you here , but I can’t continue to cover for you. I could lose my job.”
     
    “I’m sorry.”
     
    She’s been really great , and I know I’m asking a lot simply by not telling my parents. The weight hits my chest hard. If I think my life feels off balance and stressful now, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like in a few more months.
     
    “It’s okay for now. But only cause I lik e you so much.” She smiles .
     
    After my doctor appointment, which seems like less of a big deal the further I get from it, and my talk with the nurse, I go to class . It seems like such a ridiculous use of energy and time after spending the morning talking to counselors and having someone very carefully check all of my private bits. I just want to go home, though I’m getting even less comfort from there than I used to. Keeping secrets is exhausting work .
     
    ~ ~ ~
     
    I’m still conflicted about how good it feels to go through Michael’s church for this baby. I can’t think about anything else. He’d broken things down so simply, ‘go with what feels good.’ I’m trying but the idea seems off. Wrong. There has to be more.
     
    I spend the next couple of weeks learning as much as I can about the Mormon Church. It’s not easy. I can’t use the computer at home and time at school is limited and not very private. As I do learn, I begin to see how the things I’ve been told are twisted versions of the truth. I’m at the school library, on the