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in the VCR, and driving. I wish I could drive. I’d go to the card shop every day.”
    “You’d be broke in a week and not have any money to buy gas,” Ellis said.
    Rudy scrunched up his face. “I’d get a job. If I was smart enough to drive, I could get a job to pay for gas.” He put his attention back on the cards in his hand. “Do you have any threes?”
    “Damn, Rudy.” Jon handed over his last card.
    Rudy grinned. “I win.”
    “Yeah. You win again.”
    “Next time you can win.”
    “I can?”
    “I promise. Next time you can win.” Rudy stacked up the cards.
    Jon put an arm around Ellis’s shoulders. “You okay?”
    “Yeah.”
    Jon’s gaze flicked to the clock on the wall and back. “You sure?”
    Ellis leaned into him. “I don’t know.” He wanted to be okay. Jon kissed the top of his head.
    Rudy finished stacking the cards. “Do you remember yesterday when we went past the carnival?”
    “That was three days ago,” Ellis said. “But, yeah, I remember.”
    “Can we go?”
    Jon laughed. “You like carnivals?”
    Rudy nodded hard enough to make his bangs slide into his eyes. He pushed them back. “They have popcorn and cotton candy. I like the hotdogs, but sometimes they make my stomach hurt.”
    “That’s because you eat too many of them,” Ellis said. “On top of everything else.”
    Rudy gave Ellis a serious look. “I have to save up.”
    “Save up?”
    “Yeah. We only go once a year. I have to eat enough to last.”
    “He’s got you there,” Jon said.
    “You’re not helping.”
    Ellis had taken Rudy to the Carnival every year since their parents died because they had made it a family tradition. He’d been a nervous wreck those first few years trying to keep Rudy from drawing attention to them. Luckily, the carnival was so packed, no one noticed even when he knocked things over.
    This year it wasn’t a matter of keeping Rudy out of trouble. Lenny could be out there. A familiar dread choked Ellis. His fear of Lenny would drive Ellis back into his reclusive life, only this time it was worse. Rudy would be affected, and so would Jon.
    How dare that bastard do that to him and take away his happiness?
    No. It wasn’t going to be like that. Ellis would not let Lenny run his life or keep him in hiding. He wasn’t living in fear. He shouldn’t have to.
    To Rudy, Ellis said, “We’ll go.”
    Jon gave Ellis an ‘are you sure’ look. Ellis nodded. He might regret it, but to see Rudy smile made it worth the risk.
    “You about ready for bed?” Ellis said to Rudy.
    “Can I take the cards with me?”
    “You can’t play with them if you’re asleep.”
    “I know. I just like to put them on my desk.”
    “Okay, you can take the cards.”
    Rudy stood. “I’m going to my room now.”
    “Okay.”
    Rudy walked out of the room and then a few seconds later came back.
    “I thought you were going to your room.”
    “I’m gay.”
    Jon made a strangled sound and sprayed a mouthful of coffee all over the table.
    Ellis grabbed a few napkins from the holder in the center of the table. When he had the puddle covered, he turned back to Rudy. “What are you talking about?”
    “I’m gay. Gay means happy. And you and Jon are happy and that makes me happy too, so that makes me gay too.”
    Ellis said the only thing he could think of. “Go to bed.”
    “I’m going to my room now.”
    “Great. Hurry up and go.”
    “I’ll be being gay in my room.”
    Jon wiped his nose and mouth over. “I wish he’d warn me when he’s going to say stuff like that.”
    Ellis laughed. “That was just a sample. I swear he saves the really good ones for when we’re in public.”
    ********
    By ten, the laundry was done, the beds made, and every possible surface in the house clean. Ellis stood in the middle of the kitchen wringing the dishrag in his hands. There weren’t even any pots to wash.
    The tension coiling in his body still wouldn’t let go.
    Ellis checked the phone one last time. The dial