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for myself. Haven't you always taught me the value of
self-reliance? Hell, last year you got me the Book of Virtues, remember?"
    On a whim, Grace had picked it up at a secondhand
bookstand. She thought the title apt but hadn't read it herself.
    "I thought you might learn something." She
shrugged.
    Jackie harrumphed with mocking humor, unwrapping the turban
and starting to towel dry her hair.
    "This is serious, Jackie."
    "That's the problem." Jackie moved the towel
vigorously.
    "I don't want to see this ever again," Grace
said, recognizing the weakness and futility of her warning, deliberately
shifting the focus of the argument. She knew in her heart that Jackie would
defy her admonition. "And I don't want to come home to this. Do you read
me? In my bed, no less?"
    "You know what it means to open the studio couch, Mom.
It's a hassle." She smiled ruefully. "Okay. I didn't know you would
come home. I mean, I do see your point. It must have shocked the shit out of
you. Believe me, I understand. I mean, seeing your daughter balling a guy. Mom,
I may be sixteen, but I'm a woman, and I have needs and emotions."
    "What about self-control? Morals?"
    "Morals? Really, Mom. What's wrong with getting laid?
It's a normal thing. And it feels good. I mean, do you really believe I don't
know about that dildo in your drawer? I never asked. But why don't you look for
the real thing? Believe me, I'll respect your privacy."
    "It's ... it's dangerous..." Grace cried, her
face flushing, hating the idea of her little secret revealed. She felt she was
floundering somewhere in a time warp. "He wasn't wearing a condom. Haven't
you heard about AIDS?"
    "Mom, he's not diseased. He's very clean. Don't you
think I look first?"
    The image that statement summoned up was the last straw.
    "Are you totally ignorant, Jackie?" Grace
shouted. "You can't see a virus. It's terminal."
    "He's not gay, Mom. And I never let him..."
    "Enough," Grace said, standing up. She felt
herself on the other side of anger, something akin to disbelief. She was not a
prude or a fool. Yes, she had known that an older boy had deflowered Jackie at
a beachside party. She had cried then, more out of her sense of powerlessness
over her daughter's life and the realization that her child's girlhood had
ended. She was, by biological definition, a woman, or so the act seemed to
herald. But the fact was, it was a false positive. It was obvious that Jackie's
emotional maturity hadn't yet caught up with her hormonal development. Would it
ever? Grace wondered, dreading her daughter's future.
    Jackie hadn't mourned the end of her virgin state. She
reveled in it. She had been positively celebratory, just as she had been when
she had her first period. Grace, being an enlightened mother, not like her own,
had whisked her to a gynecologist. The doctor prescribed birth control pills,
along with dire warnings about the dangers of promiscuity, all of which Jackie
had apparently ignored.
    "You just can't bed down with anyone who asks,"
Grace said, searching for some common ground.
    "I don't, Mom. What do you think I am? I told you. The
reason I ball Darryl is he's good at it."
    "Jesus, Jackie," Grace sighed. "Will
pregnancy be next?"
    "Don't be ridiculous. I'm very religious about taking
my pills."
    Grace shook her head, feeling the total loss of all
parental authority. She supposed it was partially her fault, acknowledging that
concerned parenting had taken a backseat to sheer economic survival. Surely
Jackie could not doubt that her mother loved her. That was a given. As a single
mother, she had tried her best to shelter her daughter from the dangers of
living on the edge of economic disaster. Hadn't she been dutiful, concerned and
protective during the early years, before the hormonal rush had diluted her
control over her daughter's life?
    It was all coping now, dealing with issues of parenting
only when they arrived on her doorstep. It was almost impossible to make the
right decisions every time one was