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very long time. She imagined going to the table where he lay and seeing him before her, perfect in her eyes and again she felt the warm enveloping love his appearance evoked in her. Jocasta reaches out to touch her son and he feels hard and cold. Not the warm squidgy loveliness of Adrian but the frozen shell of what he used to be. Despair and a feeling of complete loss makes its way from Jocasta's stomach and works its way up her body causing her to catch her breath. She feels her face beginning to tighten and her eyes to well up. "Stop." She told herself and shook her head to rid the image from her mind.
    Looking down on her not dead, still with the living son, she focused on keeping him cool and grabbed a book from his overflowing toy shelves to begin fanning him with.
    -x-
    A knock on the front door spurred Jocasta into action; she ran to open the door and was met by two men in green. Jocasta let in the two men, who came through the door nonchalantly.
    "Hello, what's the problem; we got a call about a child with a temperature?"
    Jocasta, even though realising it was a very important factor in Adrian's illness, had not been able to tell the operator about Adrian's testicles; she just could not bring herself to mention it to a stranger over the telephone.
    "Yes," she said, "But he also has another problem I need to show you." She led the paramedics to Adrian's room. He still lay on the bed, now naked as Jocasta had been trying to keep him cool. When the first paramedic entered the room and saw Adrian his whole demeanour changed. This wasn't a run of the mill child with a temperature, this was something much worse.
    "Get the bed Tony; we need to get him back to A&E quick." As he said this the paramedic was already picking Adrian up in his arms and moving him out of the flat. "Ma'am we need to get your son to the hospital as soon as possible, please come along with me." As he was saying this, he grabbed Adrian in his arms and walked out of the front door, Jocasta followed, forgetting to collect her belongings as she left and only just managing to remember her door keys so she could let herself back into the flat on her return home. She just hoped that she would be bringing Adrian back with her.
    -x-
    Jocasta sat, stood and paced in the hospital waiting room, she knew it was twenty steps from one side of the room to the other, there were fifteen blue plastic chairs and they were screwed into the floor. She also knew that it hadn't been cleaned in some time as dust bunnies played amongst the legs of the chairs as she caused a breeze with her constant pacing. Jocasta remembered when Adrian was born here at West London hospital, how he seemed to be dealt with so quickly and returned to her, problem solved. Not this time, this wait seemed to go on forever and was interspersed with terrible recurring images of Adrian cold and dead on the mortuary slab. Jocasta had never felt such terrible grief; it was painful and felt as if claws were tearing at the very heart of her.
    Just when she felt she could take no more, the doctor came through the waiting room door.
    "Mrs Brown."
    "It's Miss."
    "Sorry, Miss Brown, Adrian is going to be fine."
    "Oh thank god," the rush of relief was giddying in its intensity.
    "Yes he will be fine, health wise, but I am afraid I need to discuss his operation with you, please sit down."
    They both sat in the cold blue chairs of the hostile waiting room and Jocasta learned that Adrian's testicles had to be removed; the medical term was 'Testicular Torsion', they had strangulated once again and could not be rescued this time. It was necessary, if his life was to be saved, to remove them. She was told Adrian should be able to have a normal sex life when he was older but obviously could never have children. He would need testosterone injections as he reached puberty and beyond and when he reached adulthood they could implant silicone testicles so his appearance was 'normal'.
    "Well that's alright then isn't it?"