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very
cool”
    Doug
Sanders stopped breathing, “Wait did you just say the sub gets destroyed in the
book?”
    “Oui.”
    “Fuck the book
dude. Who cares about books? The movie is where it is at… especially when Connery
and Ryan ride off into the twilight… always thought it was pretty romantic…”
    “Oui,”
said one of the Frenchies.
    “Oui.” The
second was more enthusiastic.
    “No homo… no
homo… just saying,” Sanders interjected hastily. After all they were still
French.
    “Non,
Monsieur. There is nothing wrong with that”
    “Non. Non.”
                “Ya. Very good
movie. God, your America is cool.”
    With the
coolness barometer intact, Doug Sanders ploughed on, “Well there is one hitch
to this plan. Some of the defense contractors have their panties in a bunch
about missing out to you Frenchies. Some bullshit about setting a precedent and
jobs and feeding America and… ”
    “Oh I see?
So what do you propose Doug?”
    “Well, I
thought long and hard just now, damn these Belgian ales are really hitting the
spot… and I just got a great idea.”
    “What is
it?”
    “Oui?”
    “Ok, two
words.”
    “Oui?”
    “Orlando
Theme Park.”

Chapter 8
    Kremlin, Moscow
     
    By the
time President Petrova retired to bed, it was close to midnight. Under her
leadership Russia had entered unchartered territories, especially dwindling friends
and mounting sanctions. Publicly she had repeated what every Great Russian
leader before her had said, “Russia is vast – Russia has lots of natural
resources – We are just short of a couple of reforms from taking on the West – And
who needs the West anyways.”
    Russians over
of 35 neither agreed nor cared. The young on the other hand… well they were
young.
    Anna
Petrova wondered what the hell was wrong with her great nation. Russia had more
oil and gas than the Gulf States combined. Yet OPEC the tail wagged the Russian
Husky. Coal, iron, diamonds, fish, timber - there was almost nothing Russia had
less than any other nation.
    So why did
Russia suffer? What the heck was wrong with her country? Some blamed it on pop-history.
They accused the Bolsheviks and their purging of intelligentsia. But that was
almost a century ago.
    So why did
Russia suck? Some blamed it on geography. The lack of warm accessible ports and
the dependence on Sevastopol which incidentally had also brought about the Crimean
crisis.
    Some said
Russia was just too cold. Too much ice, too much snow, blah blah the permafrost,
blah, blah… the harsh winters. But without the cold, Russia wouldn’t have stood
a chance against genocidal losers like the French midget and that German eunuch.
    Some blamed
it on Vodka. Heavy drinking among the young. Even more so with the old. This
wasn’t even factually true. The scheming Poles and Finns, lead them by almost a
gallon per capita.
    Some said
Russia was too old. Not enough births. Faced a demographic Anti-Armageddon. Yet,
so did Germany, Italy and Japan. Latest data even suggested an uptick in
Russian births. And unlike the west, Russia had done it the old fashioned way -
by giving a fuck where it mattered.
    Some
blamed it on how thinly the Russian population was spread and how it took a
week to travel or ship between Siberian cities and how Russia was bleeding by
supporting unsustainable settlements in the Far East.
    Petrova begged
to differ. Ninety percent of Russian settlements and cities were bang on the Trans-Siberian
Railway . Which essentially made Russia into a very, very long country… not
unlike Chile, a libertarian darling bent over by Pinocchio. Or perhaps, more
like Canada, whose populations, ever afraid of grizzlies had never ventured 10
miles beyond the 49 th parallel. The Canadian fear of the grizzlies
was so epic, that a few years ago they had rounded up a bunch of grizzlies and
shipped them down to Memphis.
    Some
blamed it on communist infrastructure. While the Trans-Siberian had been
about sustenance, the Baikal-Amur