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in London, and Stadio Olimpico, in Rome, tennis at Wimbledon, again in London, and Flushing Meadows, in New York, cricket at Lords, Sumo Wrestling in Japan, polo in Argentina, the Hong Kong Rugby Sevens, The British golf Open, The Melbourne Cup horse race, several motor sport Grand Prix events and Super-bike races, an Australian Rules grand-final at the MCG, with over 100,000 fans, and I have been to three different Olympic Games.’
    I then drew a big breath and carried on, ‘I have drunk Moët & Chandon in Champagne; Bordeaux in Bordeaux; Cabinet Sauvignon in the Napa Valley, California; Shiraz in the Barossa Valley, South Australia; Chardonnay in Côte d’Or, France; Sauvignon Blanc in Marlborough, New Zealand; Chianti in Tuscany, Italy; Port in Douro, Portugal; Pinotage in Stellenbosch, South Africa; Malbec in the Maipo Valley, Chile; and Reisling on the Rhine in Rüdesheim, Germany.’
    Taking another quick breathe, I continued, ‘I’ve eaten in a restaurant in Africa with lions standing only a few feet away, have been on the edge of a cliff in San Francisco that overlooked the Pacific, in a tree house in India, in a seaside restaurant near Cape Town, where the waves crashed against the windows, on a junk in Hong Kong Harbour, a tram in Melbourne, have eaten at a restaurant located seventy-five floors up in Singapore, and have eaten even higher in the mountains of Himalayas, have dined underwater, in the water and on the water, and under the stars in the middle of nowhere. I have met presidents, prime ministers, movie stars, famous musicians, humanitarians and some of the most fascinating people on the planet. I have been involved in charity programmes around the world and have had the opportunity to influence thousands of lives in dozens of countries. I have performed CPR to save a life, twice, and have once done an updated version the Heimlich manouevre on a woman who choked and had stopped breathing; and then performed CPR on her, and yes, she survived.’
    I then paused, looked her in the eyes and asked, ‘So, what have you done with your life?’
    The school bitch looked awestruck, unable to speak or breathe. I simply smiled at her, said nothing more and then walked away. I moved on to talk to people more worthy of my time and effort.
    I am proud of my job, and I don’t mind showing that to people.
    To keep that job that I am so proud of, I am very much aware that I need to hit the books in Japan. I pack all my emergency training paperwork, but just in case I throw a few going-out clothes into my suitcase as well. You never know. I might get time to study on the plane.
    I know that studying will be the last thing I want to do when I am tired, jetlagged and in a great country like Japan. The flight may not be full, I hope with all my heart, and I will actually get that chance to do some studying onboard.

sometimes the job stinks
    The flight is full, and we are run off our feet. Studying will be the last thing I can do on this trip.
    There are no spare seats, but there are no staff queuing up to get onboard either, which means our crew-rest area should at least be free. Well, I couldn’t be more wrong.
    I notice that a young girl sitting in the window seat two rows away from the back galley is in tears. She is sitting next to a huge, hairy man dressed in robes and headwear. I lean across the man to ask the girl if she is OK. Before I have finished my question, I already know the reason for her tears. The reason hits me like a sledgehammer – hits my nose, to be more precise. This guy stinks! He doesn’t just smell a tad dreadful, but he absolutely reeks.
    I get the poor girl out of there as quick as I possibly can.
    Considering that we can’t find any free seats on the aircraft, we have no choice but to put her in our crew-rest area. The look of sheer terror on the faces of the two people sitting directly behind the stinky man has me sympathetically moving