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suspect that they’re thinking the same thing.
    After the decorations were up, the three of us sat down with her and discussed the fact that her therapist was coming over the next morning to discuss the next step. It broke my heart to watch Dillon and Leah begging her to focus on the positive, promising her that there was nothing they wouldn’t do for her.
    When it was all over Leah had to leave and Dillon walked her out to the car. That left me alone with Marissa, and I was frustrated when she made her way right back to her bedroom and laid down on the bed. This was her default position these days, in bed with no TV or radio on-just her and the silence. If one of us insisted, she would allow the TV or radio to be turned on, but it was obvious that she had no connection with any of it.
    Sitting down gently at the foot of her bed, I watched as she curled up with a pillow. She was skin and bones by this point and it was terrifying. I had to swallow over the lump in my throat several times before I could finally get words out.
    “Please, you have to tell us what you need to feel better. You are quitting on us, quitting on yourself, and I don’t understand why! I won’t survive without you Marissa. We all need you. You have to find your way back. Can’t you see any of the good? You told me once that we are responsible for the thoughts we have, and that the way we think about things determines our future. I believe that and I know you do, too.”
    Normally she just stared through us when we tried to talk to her about what was happening, but today she seemed a bit more alert. For the first time in weeks she looked me in the eye when she responded, and I felt a seed of hope take root.
    “I do see the good, Minnie. I see it all around me, every single day. It’s in Dillon, it’s in Leah and it’s in you. But it’s not in me. It’s never been in me. I’m broken from the inside out. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t struggle with pushing memories of the things he did to me out of my head, and it’s been years since that happened. How long do you think it goes on this way? I’ve tried to be good. I’ve tried to be positive. But no matter what I do, the blackness inside of me is always there. Not only can I never forget what he did, I can’t even live my life because of it. Touching is out of the question. The one thing I’ve ever really wished for are children of my own. Do you know that because of how much damage he did to me that I can’t carry a child? No amount of therapy can fix that, Minnie. Broken is broken.”
    She said all of this with very little inflection but her eyes pleaded for understanding. I did understand the depression and sadness, but I also knew that there was hope and that it wasn’t always going to be like this. The irony was that she was the person that had taught me all of that, but she couldn’t see that for herself. Before I could say anything in response, Dillon entered the bedroom. Taking a seat next to me on the bed he rubbed his hand along the pillow next to her face. That was as close to a touch as she allowed, but I could see that it was breaking him not to be able to hold her.
    “You aren’t broken honey. There is hope. We survived Marissa, and we will always survive because we’re together. If you want a child, we’ll adopt. I’ll start doing the research tomorrow if that’s what you want. You can still have the family that you want, but I need you to try. You’re in bad shape right now and if you don’t start taking steps to recover, you’re going to wind up in the hospital. You aren’t eating, you don’t sleep and you’re a ghost of yourself. Whatever I need to do to bring you back, I will do it. There is nothing I won’t do for you. Just tell me what you need.”
    Her eyes closed and I exchanged a look with Dillon as we tried to figure out what to do or say next. A minute or so later Marissa opened her eyes and gave him a weak smile.
    “You would do