Read Mind of My Mind for Free Online Page A

out on you."
     
    He got up and looked down at me. "Change your clothes," he said. "Then we'll go."
     
    I looked at myself and saw that my pants and blouse were smeared with blood from
    his hand. I changed my clothes, then packed the rest of my things. Finally, we drove over
    to Palo Verde Avenue.
     
    While Doro introduced us, Karl and Vivian stood together looking like sister and
    brother and staring at my eyes. Which gave them at least one thing in common with
    everybody else who meets me for the first time. There were times when I wished for a
    nice, bland pair of brown eyes. Like Karl's or Vivian's. Oh, well.
     
    I watched Vivian, saw how pretty she was, how nervous she was. She was no bigger
    than me, thank God, and she looked scared, which was promising. Doro had told me Karl
    wouldn't let her really resent me or feel angry or humiliated. Wouldn't let her! She was a
    Goddamn robot and she didn't even know it. Or, rather, she did know it but she wasn't
    allowed to care.
     
    Karl looked like one of the bright, ambitious, bookish white guys I remembered from
    high school. Intense, hair already thinning. Doro had said he was twenty-eight, but he
    looked older. And he sounded . . . well, he sounded just the way I would have expected a
    well-brought-up guy to sound when he's trying to be polite to somebody he can't stand.
    Strained.
     
    After the short, stiff introductions, Doro took Vivian's hand as though this wasn't the
    first time he had taken it, and said, "Let's let them get acquainted. How about a swim?"
     
    Vivian looked at Karl and Karl nodded. She and Doro went out together. I watched
    them go, wondering about things that weren't exactly any of my business. I looked at Karl
    but his face was closed and cold. Then I forgot about Vivian and Doro and wondered
    what the hell Karl and I were supposed to do now. We were in his tennis-court-sized
    living room, with its wood paneling and its big white fireplace. We were sitting near the
    fireplace and we both stared into it instead of at each other.
     
    Then, finally, I decided to get things started. "Do you suppose there's any way we can
    do this and still have a little pride left?"
     
    Karl looked surprised. I wondered what Doro had been telling him about me. "I was
    wondering if there was any way for us to manage it at all," he said.
     
    I shrugged. "You know as well as I do that we don't have any choice about that. Do
    you know what kind of help you're supposed to give me?"
     
    "I'm to shield you from the thoughts and emotions you receive when they get to be
    too much for you. Doro seems to think they will."
     
    "Did they for you?"
     
    "In a way. I passed out a few times."
     
    "Shit, I'm already doing that. It hasn't killed me yet. Did anybody help you?"
     
    "Not that way. All I had was someone to keep me from banging myself up too badly
    physically."
     
    "Then, why the hell . . . ? No offense, but why am I supposed to need you?"
     
    "I don't know."
     

 
    "Oh, well. I guess it doesn't matter. It's his decision and we're stuck with it. All we
    can do is try to find the least uncomfortable way of living with it."
     
    "We'll work something out." He stood up. "Let me show you around the house."
     
    He showed me his fantastic library first, and that helped me warm to him a little. A
    guy with a room like that in his house couldn't be all bad. Like the living room, it was
    huge, with that beautiful wood paneling. The fireplace and the windows were the only
    spots of wall not covered with books. Most of the floor was covered by the biggest
    oriental rug I had ever seen. There was a long, solid, heavy wooden reading table, a big
    desk, a lot of upholstered chairs. The high ceiling was wood carved in a regular octagonal
    pattern and hung with four small, simple chandeliers. While I was growing up, Forsyth
    Public Library was my second home. It was someplace I could go and be by myself. I
    could get away from Rina and her whining and her johns and away from