Read Middle Ground for Free Online Page B

happiness were tangible I would be so heavy with it, it would be crushing me.”
    I looked at him and smiled.
    “You have the most bizarre way of being honest. Okay, my turn,” he said. “I miss you.” The words sounded strained coming out of his mouth, like it was difficult for him to admit it or, more likely, difficult for him to feel it. “And I know I told you it’s a waste of time, but in the past few weeks, I’ve learned it’s unavoidable.”
    “You know, it’s not a bad thing,” I said. “It’s not a weakness, like if you had a poor immune system.”
    “I’m just not used to it,” he said. “I’ve never missed anyone before and it’s brutal. It’s a huge time suck. If I told you how many times a day I’ve thought about you, it would seriously scare you.”
    I smiled but more than anything I was relieved.
    “Everything comes back to you; it’s like this vacuum. It’s so
irritating,
” he said through a grin.
    “Thanks?” I said.
    “That’s why I needed to talk to you. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be a
boyfriend.
” He said the last word slowly, giving it three syllables.
    He stared at me with a deadpan expression and my stomach flipped at the word
boyfriend.
It was strange hearing it come out of his mouth because I’d almost skipped this stage. I already knew I wanted to be with him forever. I decided not to verbalize this small detail. I didn’t want to send him into cardiac arrest. I needed to be careful with Justin. He acted as solid as stone but when it comes to emotions, we’re all made out of glass.
    “Well, if you care about someone, it usually involves
communicating
with them. You know, calling, texting, messaging . . .”
    Justin pondered this. “That’s what proves I care? That I check in with you?” I nodded and he asked me how often. “Once a week? Twice?”
    “Haven’t you ever watched a television show?” I asked him. “Or seen a movie? Communication’s a pretty big deal. To everyone. It’s how we’re reassured people are thinking of us. That they care. That they haven’t, for example, moved on and forgotten we exist because all they think about is fighting digital school.”
    He stopped walking and leaned his back against the wall of a brick building and stared at the ground.
    “I know your job comes first right now,” I said. “But relationships take effort. If you want them to work,” I added.
    He nodded thoughtfully while he absorbed this, like I was some deity revealing hidden secrets of the female soul. I felt like I was just stating the obvious.
    “Huh,” Justin said. “So that’s how a healthy relationship works, according to television?”
    I smiled. “Okay, this isn’t a debate. It’s very simple. If you cared about me, you’d check in with me. You’d want to know how I’m doing. That’s how it works.”
    Justin was fascinated. His eyes were wide, as if this were truly new to him. And then I thought about it. Justin didn’t have any close friends. He’d never dated. He didn’t understand how to be close to people. He only knew how to distance himself. That’s how he handled his relationships; his parents had brought him up to think separation was normal.
    He repeated my last sentence slowly. “That’s how it works.”
    I stared up at the starless sky. He inspired me to build friendships every day, but when it came down to a real, intimate relationship, I felt like I had to hold his hand and teach him how to walk with baby steps.
    “How do you think dating works?” I asked because I was equally intrigued by his take on it. He shoved his hands in his coat pockets. We started walking again.
    “It doesn’t work,” he said, and his voice dropped a little. “Does it?” His eyes stared straight ahead and I felt doubt begin to prickle down my spine.
    “Then what are you doing here?” I asked, and my voice came out unsteady. The wind whipped past us and it was warm, but I still felt a chill run down my